Holidays winding down...

It has been a busy busy couple of weeks.  I don't even know where to begin to give you an update.

First of all, Christmas was amazing.  I had most of last week off and spent it mostly doing last minute shopping and menu planning for Christmas dinner.  Mom, Sandra and I took last Wednesday and went to San Francisco to see a production of Riverdance at the Golden Gate Theater.  It was wonderful and I'm so thankful to my friend, Kim Negrete, for getting us tickets.  Mom and Sandra absolutely loved the show...as did I.  I have seen Riverdance three times before and I love the musicians and the singers as much as the dancers in the show.

Christmas day was busy starting at 7:30am to get the turkey cleaned and the stuffing made.  It went in the oven about 9am and everything was ready about 3pm.  We also had ham, homemade macaroni and cheese, collard greens, sweet potato biscuits, mashed potatoes and gravy (made from scratch), and homemade sweets made by James and his sister while the rest of us were at Riverdance on Wednesday.  It really was an almost perfect day.  The only disappointment was the absence of Quanna's parents...Momma Brisbane is back in chemo for her cancer treatments and was simply not able to be with us for Christmas day.  But, we did have Quanna, Justin, Mom, Aunt Sandra, Ranelle, Shenay, James, and his mom, sister, and niece.  Plenty of food and great fellowship was the order of the day.

James got me a Wii game system that I have become addicted to...especially the tennis game.  I got him a new netbook.  I also got a couple of BlueRay movies that I wanted:  Star Trek and Terminator: Salvation.  And a few Wii games as well.  My Aunt Sandra got me Ghost Whisperer Season 4.  All in all...an amazing Christmas this year.

I spent some time Christmas evening after everyone had left just meditating and remembering those people who are no longer with us at Christmas...my grandparents, my dad, my Aunt Margie, my best friend, Ron...so many wonderful memories that I carry in my heart and mind of Christmas with them through the years.  I know they were there in spirit...I felt their presence many times throughout the day on the 25th.  While prepping the turkey that morning, I suddenly had a picture of my grandmother in my head and I felt like there was a touch on the side of my cheek.  Little things such as this firmly root my belief that our friends and family never leave us...they are still around us and will be there to meet us when it's our time to cross over.

So, now my thoughts turn to 2010 and look forward to another amazing year of blessings.  Sending love and light to each and every one of you during this holiday season!

New adventures and a Happy Friday to ya!

I am happy that it's a Friday as I haven't been sleeping well the past few nights.  I seemed to have pulled something in my shoulder, so every time I move in my sleep it hurts.  One of the joys of nearing a half century old, I guess!  LOL!

My mother took a nasty fall at my house this past week.  She seemed to be okay, but a day or so later she started having a lot of pain in her right leg.  Of course, trying to see a doctor has been a challenge due to the flu season, but we have another appointment on Monday.  Until then, we're keeping her off her feet and using ice and heat.

I had my first meeting with a new real estate broker last night.  I am moving my license under his brokerage starting tomorrow.  He's training me to be a loan officer using my existing real estate license and I should be set up to start processing loans next week.  We begin training Saturday morning at 10am.  I'm really looking forward to it.  I mean, I love my day job...but doing this part time will help me become debt-free in the next couple of years and sock away a lot of money for retirement.  Hopefully, it will also help me stave off bankruptcy in the event of another layoff.  Three layoffs in the last five years have made me a bit paranoid.

Tonight, I am cooking dinner for the family and my dear friend, Anne-Marie Trout.  We're planning pot roast (by special request since I haven't made one in 10 years or so) followed by Ghost Whisperer and Muppet Christmas Carol.  Plus, my hubby has the night off as well.  I'm really looking forward to a relaxing evening surrounded by good food and family.

My friends at Runaway Stage Productions are in rehearsals for The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee which opens January 8th.  I don't know this show at all, but I hear it's hilarious!  Davis Musical Theater Company is rehearsing the outrageous musical comedy, The Producers.  It's quite the coup as they are the first community theater company to be doing this show in the Sacramento area.  They have a New Years' Eve gala for this event as well.  Should be a lot of fun.

My dear friends at Artistic Differences are closing 1940's Radio Hour this weekend, but I hear they are all sold out.  Congratulations to them on a successful run!

I feel way out of the loop on shows lately as I'm not involved in productions any longer.  It's not that I have no interest...it's simply a matter of time these days.  I haven't even sung on stage in 2 1/2 years now and I need to change that soon.  More information will be coming about my new web series in the new year, so watch this space!

We are almost done with Christmas shopping around our house.  Thank spirit for many blessings this year as we will have a wonderful holiday surrounded by great friends and family.  That's what Christmas is all about and I, for one, try to be thankful on a daily basis for all that I have.

Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year to all of you!

Old friends...

I was blessed yesterday to be reunited online with an old and dear friend.  I hadn't talked to her since 1987.  We caught up via email for the past couple of days and it's been great to share where my life path has gone and to see where hers has taken her.

Part of going back and talking to people from your past brings up not only good memories, but also the not-so-good.  I was a much different person in the mid-80's.  I was hiding in the closet...afraid to lose my job and my friends and my family if I came out.  I became self-destructive and did a lot of things that I'm not proud of...so, those memories have been flooding back as well.

Often I say to myself, "If I could go back and change certain things about my past, but still know what I know now...how would my life be different?"  Well, the answer is...I can't do it.  And let's face it...the person we are at this very moment is defined by all of those experiences; the good and the bad.  If I had not made all of those mistakes in my younger years, I might still be making them and not be the person I am now.

I've not made amends with everyone for things that happened in the years between 1983 and 1986...not for lack of trying, but for not having a response to my attempts to reach out.  And in some cases, the people involved are no longer with us...but, I believe I have made amends with those folks through prayer and meditation.  The others who are still with us have ignored my letters and emails, so I can only assume they wish to let sleeping dogs lie.  And at this point in my life, so would I.  I have moved on.

The truth of the matter is...I have so many blessings in my life now that may not have materialized if I had done things differently 25 years ago.  I may not have the friends and the family and the love in my life that I have now if I had not learned the incredibly difficult and painful lessons that I have learned.  So, I need to keep that in mind as I go forward and learn to forgive myself for my own transgressions, past or present.  I'm sorry that I hurt the people that I did and I've done what I can to try and make amends...but I'm glad I made the mistakes and learned from them.

If that makes any sense at all.

Such amazing friends...

First of all...THANK YOU to all of my friends who sent birthday greetings.  Cards, cake, lunches, Facebook greetings, email...etc.  It was an amazing day and I sincerely love and appreciate you all.

I got a homemade chocolate cake from my hubby and a great book...plus, Mom and Aunt Sandra got me some new clothes.  Hard to believe I'm in the last year of my 40's.  Wow...this decade flew by.

I wanted to also share with you a statement I overheard from someone at work a few days ago.  I was having a soda and talking on my cell phone in the breakroom when I accidentally overheard a lady talking to one of her co-workers saying that she felt really empty inside...as if no one cared about her.  Her children, her husband, even her close friends....she felt as if no one really gave a rat's petootie whether she lived or died and the only reason any one would miss her was because of all the things she did for them.  And I thought, "How sad!"  Why would anyone feel this way?  But then I think back to when I was younger and had the same feelings from time to time...and I've been tempted to go down that road emotionally from time to time even today.

My advice to anyone who feels empty or unloved is to first of all learn to love yourself.  Nature abhors a vacuum, so if your heart feels empty it's because you are not allowing love into your life.  We cannot control other people or make them feel anything we want them to feel.  We can only control how we react to certain situations or scenarios in our lives.  If you feel unloved, then love yourself.  I seriously doubt that this lady is unloved...more than likely, she feels taken advantage of by her family and friends.  But I just wanted to shake her and tell her that she should love herself enough to go to her family and share her feelings.  Perhaps they are taking her for granted, but it's up to her to communicate her feelings and give them an opportunity to make amends.  And if necessary, she should take ownership to get out of the situation if it's truly an unhealthy one.

I believe that we all go through difficult times and occasionally, we need to talk about things with close friends or family members; but in the end, the power to change is within us.  Talk is cheap...if we don't follow through with action then what's the point of complaining?

Remember...there is more than enough love in this world to go around.  If we don't feel we have enough in our lives, most likely it's because we are blocking it ourselves.

The last year of my fourth decade...

Tomorrow will usher in my 49th birthday and the beginning of my 50th year on this planet called Earth.

I'm hearing a lot of things from friends and family this weekend.  Some are telling me how great I look to be *gasp* almost 50 years old.  Others are telling me that I'm getting old and should start shopping for Depends.  One person couldn't believe that we have known each other nearly 40 years while a couple friends are telling me how difficult it's going to be emotionally for me to turn "half a century" old next year.

I beg to differ.

It seems that some folks use birthdays almost as a countdown towards death...as if each year means another step closer to the grave.  They are constantly reminded of the mortality of their physical existence and look at it as something that should be dreaded.  Most of the time they are able to keep those thoughts blocked out of their minds, but on birthdays, especially the '0' years, the thoughts rush back to them.

I've never had any emotional distress at the thought of getting older.  I do look at myself in the mirror on occasion and wish I were 50 pounds lighter and in better shape, but I know I can change those aspects of myself.  I've never cared much about how many years I have under my belt...just how much fat resides there.

Besides, it does no good to worry how old you are.  You can control many aspects of getting older by taking care of yourself, exercising, watching your food intake, etc.  But, you cannot control how old you are.  To me, death is a reminder that we should cherish each and every day in this physical existence...to tell those we care about how much we love them.  To patch up old friendships and put aside petty differences.  To look past political, cultural and religious differences to see the things we all have in common as human and spiritual beings.

Unfortunately, at some point we all buy in to the shallow and superficial world of material possessions, unrealistic body image given to us by Hollywood, and the belief that as we get older we no longer have anything of value to offer to this world.  Pop culture treats getting older as a curse...if we're not 19 and built like a Greek Olympian, then we are disposable.  Or if we do exist, it's as a caricature of a human being...a bitter stereotype who hates young people and has an unpleasant smell.  Older people in most television and movies are not revered for their wisdom and experience...they're portrayed as out of touch, ignorant, and stupid.  Only the young people can solve problems and make any positive contribution to society in these "harmless" fantasies created by network executives and marketed to capture the attention of their targeted demographics.  I'm sorry, but I just don't buy into it.

I think we are all valuable in this world.  I look at people who came before me as a window to a different time...such as my grandparents who talked to me about growing up during the depression and living through the rationing of World War II.  The amount of sacrifice that was required during these difficult times was incredible.  But then I look at folks today and people who think that sacrifice is going without Starbucks for a day.

At any rate, I have faith that the universe will unfold as it should.  I believe that when my time on this earth has ended, I'll move on to the next plane and reflect on these experiences.  I hope that at the end of my life, I will be able to say that I have grown spiritually and that I have given love to everyone around me.  I may disagree with folks about certain things or even sometimes sever relationships over irreconcilable differences....but I always try to love and forgive.  Being bitter or holding grudges against folks is not good for the soul...it's like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies from it.

Okay...sorry.  My automated "mindless babbling" alert just popped up!  I'll wrap this up for today.

Blessings and light to you all!

Happy Thanksgiving!

I hope that each of you had a wonderful Thanksgiving day.  We sure did.  Quanna and her parents hosted a HUGE Thanksgiving feast today that was absolutely amazing.  I am recovering from all the food and fellowship this evening and I think I increased my mass so much that I'm capturing small satellites in my gravitational field.  But, I wouldn't change a thing about the day!

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James and Justin spent the day decorating our house for Christmas.  There are lights outside along the garage and entire front of the place.  There's an inflatable Santa along with a sleigh and reindeer that light up; plus multi-colored lights draw a line along the sidewalk leading up to our front door.  It is absolutely beautiful outside our home.

Inside, we have a Christmas village that lights up with moving parts here and there; along with a Santa Mickey and a beautiful Christmas tree and gift boxes that light up beneath it.  We're not quite done yet as there are several other ornaments that need to be set up.  Plus, we have a train set that will run around the Christmas tree.  It will be quite the festive atmosphere at Chez Brave-Fisher this year!

I made a decision about the YouTube channel.  I've written an outline for the first 5 episodes, a script for the first two, and original music for three episodes.  I am sitting up the camera, lights, and sound system in the garage this weekend to film the first of the five on Sunday.  I will keep you posted.

I hope that as we officially kick off this holiday season that you each look in your heart and find something of which you are truly thankful.  This is the season of giving thanks and of being with family.  I am blessed to have my mom and Aunt Sandra for the next two months and I plan to enjoy every moment with them I can.

Sending love and light to each of you on this blessed day!

Ray

YouTube channel...

As a follow up to my previous post about a lack of creative expression lately...I have been wanting to do a YouTube series for a while, but I don't know what the focus should be.  Before my move to Eureka a couple of years ago, I had played with the idea of a theater video blog and doing stories of local companies and upcoming shows, etc.  I called it Spotlight Sacramento and actually filmed and edited one episode; but, once James and I were planning the move out of the area, the series died.

I've been thinking of it again lately, but I'm not sure I want to do a web series with just a local focus.  I've had some ideas, but not sure which direction I'd like to go.  I've debated several formats...such as a regular comedic series with different original skits.  I had also thought about a spotlight show with some of my favorite singers in town where we talk, sing a couple of numbers, etc.  But, then I run into copyright issues unless we do all original songs.

I wrote and filmed an original comedy piece a year or so ago where I played 4 different roles.  It was a family of gospel singers from the south and it's based on people I used to work with in the Christian music industry.  I wasn't happy with the final product, but I've since re-written it and have thought about doing it as a bi-weekly series.  I would produce and film two separate episodes a month and publish them to YouTube.  It takes a lot of time, but I think it would be fun.  The premise is this family of amateur gospel singers who raise enough money to produce a cable access show.

Since I have such an interest in new age spirituality, I also thought of a video blog discussing meditation, Reiki healing, psychic phenomena, ghost hunting, etc.  And that would be a lot of fun, too...especially since I have such a network of friends now who are of a like mind on this subject.

Or I also have an interest in politics...I wouldn't mind doing a non-partisan editorial discussion of issues and candidates.  I am surprising a lot of people by supporting Republican candidate Tom Campbell in the 2010 California gubernatorial race.  I am a fiscal conservative at heart and was a registered Republican for 10 years before the party got hijacked by social conservatives.  Though I tend to vote Democratic now, I am actually a registered independent and I think the time is ripe for a third party to rock the current political landscape.

So, you see...I'm at a crossroad trying to make a decision.  Thoughts from any of you guys?

Finding my passion...

I’m asking myself that these days…where is my passion? I seem to have lost it somewhere and I’m not sure where to look.

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I’m not talking about my love life because I am very happy with my husband. He grounds me and keeps me sane. I love him more and more each day and I know he is the one I should be with. So, don’t confuse the passion of which I speak with romantic or sexual passion.

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I know I am on the right path in many areas of life…job, relationship, friendships, spiritual development etc. But, I seem to be missing it in other areas surrounding my creative side. Theater used to be my creative outlet, but I don’t have the fire for it anymore. I had a great time doing Big Bad Wolf because the time commitment was not too demanding and the cast was amazing, but the thought of doing an evening show makes me wince. I can’t handle that much time for 5 or 6 days a week. Nearly every time I’ve done a show in the last few years, I’ve come down with bronchitis or even pneumonia due to the demanding rehearsals plus work schedules. Maybe I’m just getting too old to handle the stress. I don’t know.

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But, theater is not my only creative outlet. Music is a big one, but I haven’t sung in 2 ½ years. I play and record things at home on occasion, but it’s difficult to find that time very often. My average day is like this:

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  5:15am – Wake up and shower.
  
  
  
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  5:45am – Cook breakfast, make lunch and out the door by 6:10am.
  
  
  
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  6:30am – Start work.
  
  
  
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  4:pm – Usually out of the office no later than 4pm, but then sometimes I show houses 3 or 4 nights per week.
  
  
  
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  6pm – Get home, cook dinner and prepare lunch for next day.
  
  
  
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  7pm – Minimum one hour meditation and prayer.
  
  
  
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  8pm – Spend some time with the dogs.
  
  
  
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  9pm – Wind down and get to bed by 9:30pm.
  
  
  

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The nights I don’t show houses, I am home by 5pm which gives me a little time to relax before cooking dinner. Weekends are also spent showing houses for 3 or 4 hours during the day both Saturday and Sunday. Then try to clean house or do yard work and then squeezing in classes in hypnosis or Reiki…and of course, trying to find time to spend with James. Right now, his nights off are Monday and Tuesday, but that can change from week to week.

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So, you can see that it is difficult to even find time right now for that creative expression and it’s manifesting itself in dreams. I dream of touring as a musician OR singing onstage OR acting in a play almost every night. I even had a wonderful dream a few months ago that I was the officiate at a wedding ceremony that was a musical. I, along with the bride and groom with the wedding party acting as a chorus, sang the entire thing. It was amazing! I made notes when I woke up the next morning and I would like to write this ceremony and film it. It was AWESOME!

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I need to find that balance somewhere…my life was SO out of balance for such a long time. It was all theater and work…no relationship, no home life, no social activities other than with theater folks. Now there is no creative outlet…so, I have to find time to do it. I’ve got some ideas…I’ll post them when I find the time to manifest them!

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No complaints here…just jotting down some ideas today. I am SO VERY BLESSED and this is just a reminder to myself to look for ways to find that balance on a daily basis.

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Blessings and light to each and every one of you!

52.8%

Now that the emotions have calmed a bit, I needed to blog about this.

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On Tuesday, approximately 52.8% of Maine residents voted to repeal gay marriage. While I’m personally at a loss as to why a narrow margin of voters can do something like take marriage away from an individual mostly out of religious beliefs, it’s also important to note that we are on a tipping point. Something dramatic is about to happen on a national level and I can feel it coming.

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A huge battle is being waged and I sense a great deal of turmoil ahead. It’s important to step back and put emotions in check on this issue. And PLEASE…before I go any further, let me say that I appreciate the support I have had from my friends and family. Plus, I have had many Catholic, Mormon, Jewish, and friends from other faiths who do not understand why many churches are supporting this legal discrimination disguised as morality. It sickens them…as well it should sicken all Americans who believe in freedom. But, the conservative and religious right have decided their religious freedoms are under attack by gay marriage (as if no one else’s rights are as important as theirs). I personally believe that if there is a hell, people like James Dobson and Maggie Gallagher would burn in it for the pain they have caused millions of gay and lesbian Americans…but fortunately, I don’t believe in hell. I simply think they will learn their lesson in the form of karmic retribution. And from where I sit, I focus every day on sending them love and positive energies that they may see how much pain they are causing in this world and stop.

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But here are the reasons I am seeing a turning point…

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We now have five states in which gay marriage is available and several others that offer domestic partnerships or civil unions. Washington state has apparently preserved ‘everything but marriage’ and California has the same plus approximately 18,000 gay couples who remain married after prop 8 passed.  Also, we now recognize marriages from other states that happened before prop 8 and any others afterwards are automatically viewed as civil unions.

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The result of all of these different legal arrangements is a hodge-podge network of laws regarding gays and lesbians in this country. They differ from each other from state to state and a gay couple only has to drive across a state line to find they are without any rights at all. Such was the case with a lesbian couple who had a domestic partnership in their home state and happened to be on vacation in Florida. One suffered a life-threatening conditioned and even though her partner, Janice, provided the hospital with a medical power of attorney, Janice was not allowed to see her partner for the 36 hours she was in the trauma center because she was not family…nor would the hospital allow their children to see their mother before she died. The woman died alone in a trauma center in a strange place far from home. Her partner was told by the hospital official that she was in "an anti-gay city in an anti-gay state"…and the worst part is that a federal judge ruled the hospital was under no obligation to let Janice or the children have visitation. Now, that should be enough to piss off even the most anti-gay person in the country, but apparently they don’t care. Their rhetoric is they don’t mind us having civil unions but preserve marriage for a man and a woman …but in truth, they really don’t want us to have any rights as families as they just proved trying to vote down civil unions in the state of Washington.

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In Texas, a gay couple who had married in another state filed for divorce. The Texas AG intervened in the case and would not allow the divorce to proceed because Texas does not recognize gay marriage. So, what are these men supposed to do? They had agreed on an amicable arrangement and filed all the necessary papers, so are they stuck in a marriage they no longer want? A Texas federal judge recently ruled that Texas’ constitutional amendment against gay marriage was invalid based on the 14th amendment of the US which undoubtedly riled up a lot of conservatives in that state. It is now working its way through the courts. In Wisconsin, the religious right is fighting domestic partnerships for 900 couples because their state constitutional amendment prohibits arrangements that are similar to marriage and similar fights are going on in Utah as well.

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In California, there are 18,000 legally married gay couples. We now have 5 different legally recognized family arrangements: heterosexual marriages, civil unions performed in the state, civil unions or domestic partnerships performed in other states, and gay couples married between May and November of 2008 (the group my husband and I are proud to be a part of) either in California or another state prior to Prop 8.  Now the state has to manage all of these arrangements and determine the legality of each one. I personally have to carry my marriage license to prove that James and I are married when filling out paperwork for any work benefits and I know that if he and I were to visit my family in North Carolina, it wouldn’t matter if I have the license or not. We would be at the mercy of their laws…though; they would have to arrest me to keep me out of the hospital room if something were to happen to my husband and even then, I would not go quietly or without one hell of a fight. Trust me.

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On a positive note, Congress has recently passed a gay hate crimes bill in the form of the Matthew Shepard act. They are about to vote on adding gays and lesbians to the list of protections against discrimination in employment and housing and it should pass given the current makeup of the House and Senate. New Jersey and New York are possibly about to embark on new gay marriage legislation as is the District of Columbia…and in the wake of other anti-gay legislation, some states are introducing more “everything but marriage” laws to give gays and lesbians most of the benefits of marriage without the name. Perhaps the most important thing to remember in all of this is that the next generation is on board with gay marriage. Most of them realize that this is not an impact to their lives and don’t understand why it’s such a divisive issue for everyone else. Gay marriage is going to happen in their lifetime.

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All of these scenarios have led us to a fork in the road and now it’s just a matter of which way we go. There is a lawsuit to overturn prop 8 in federal court going to trial in January. Massachusetts has filed a lawsuit against the federal government to overturn DOMA. There is a bill to overturn DOMA in Congress right now, but there isn’t enough support to bring it to a full vote yet but IF the Democrats are able to push the anti-discrimination bill through, it will put us on new legal standing. At some point in the very near future, the US Supreme Court will have to rule for or against gay and lesbian equality because this hodge-podge is not working. How can the promise of freedom and equality for ALL Americans be realized if we lose our equality at a state border? How am I equal if the federal government refuses to recognize my marriage or I have to spend half a million dollars over my lifetime for benefits hetrosexual marriages get under the law? People like Justice Scalia would have no problem overturning every gay marriage and civil union law in this country, but if they were to do that, there would be hell to pay because gays and lesbians will be out in the streets with torches and pitchforks. I personally wouldn’t want to be anywhere close to a Mormon or Catholic church if that were to happen because there would be no stopping that mob.

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But on the other hand, if they rule that all states have to honor gay marriages in other states, Gallagher and Dobson will rally their troops in a holy war as well.

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This is a very divisive issue even though it really shouldn’t be. So, you see…one way or another, something major is about to happen and all hell is about to break loose in the next 2 or 3 years. Get ready because this could be the next “civil” war. I don’t see either side giving up regardless of what happens in courts or legislatures or the ballot box any time in the near future.  Maybe NOM is right...there is a "gathering storm."  If so, they created it!

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Maybe this is what 2012 is really all about!!

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Blessings and light to you!

In awe...

I am sitting here at my desk in total awe today.  I cannot believe that it is October 30th...less than four weeks before Thanksgiving and less than eight weeks until Christmas!  Where has the year gone?  Where has the decade gone?  It seems like just last week, I was celebrating my 40th birthday with friends and family; but exactly 13 months from today, I will be celebrating my 50th!!  Dear Lord!  How the hell did that happen?

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I am not afraid of getting older, so don't take this blog the wrong way.  I love my life and I look to the future with great hope and excitement for what spirit has in store for me.  And when I come to the end, I want to look back with joy, gratitude, and maybe even a little pride for every moment.  I haven't been perfect and there are a lot of things in my past that I wish I could take back, but they are also a reminder for me as to how far I've come and the direction my life is taking now.

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I heard this week of a former co-worker, Margot Berry, that passed away suddenly on Monday evening.  I am sending loving thoughts to her family and friends today.  The funeral is at 3pm this afternoon and I'm unable to attend.  Just another reminder of how fleeting and short life really is...so, we should spend our time wisely.

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I am going through this phase at the moment where I find something that I want to study (hypnosis, for example), and I just start taking classes towards it.  Either online or in person.  I have taken 4 classes in hypnosis and have become a certified hypnotist with other certifications in past life regression and smoking cessation.  My current project is taking classes in Reiki healing.  I find it peaceful and relaxing and I want to become a practitioner.  SO many things going on in my spiritual development...many of which I think you would find a little odd, but that's ok I guess.  I find a lot of spiritual beliefs odd...I guess mine are less mainstream, but still no crazier than the notion of an omnipotent power that uses human beings as pawns in epic battle against good and evil that will result in the eventual apocalypse and global rule by an evil anti-Christ.  Go figure!

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A quick update on life in general...I LOVE LOVE LOVE my job.  I have a great boss and the work is challenging, though I do struggle with some of the personalities I work with.  James and I are still in wedded bliss and continue to fight the good fight for marriage equality for all gays and lesbians.  Prop 8 will die...it's just a matter of time.  I am lighting candles and sending prayers that Question 1 in Maine will not survive the election next Tuesday as well.  God is already opening hearts and minds across the country against this insane notion that gays and lesbians deserve less than equal treatment in the eyes of the government.  I also pray for myself every day that I can let go of the hurt and bitterness towards those who vote for these hateful initiatives.  Sorry if you disagree, but it impacts my every day life and is not based some antiquated religious beliefs that serve no purpose in a secular law.  See?  There goes that bitterness again...I still have a lot of praying to do. 

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Nearly one year after that divisive and hateful election that stripped marriage rights away from my gay brothers and sisters in California, if I could wish anything on those folks who voted for Prop 8 it would be that they one day have to sit in front of a television to see if the Supreme Court decided to dissolve their marriages against their will.  I really wish that those folks could feel that pain because I guarantee it would put compassion in their hearts.

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I have been told recently by a good African-American friend that I don't really know what it feels like to be discriminated against because I'm white...and I can hide the fact that I'm gay, but black folks can't hide the fact that they're black.  I don't think hiding the truth is every a good idea.  Living a life in secret and shame is not a healthy way to live; to which my failed suicide attempt in 1991 is a testament.

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Sorry...I didn't sit down during this lunch break to wax poetic and spew forth platitudes about gay rights.  I sat down here to tell you all that I love you.  Sincerely, I do...I see the spark of divine in every person I meet.  Sometimes I have to look a little bit deeper to see it, but I always find it in some way.  Even the most villanous heart has a spark of the divine buried somewhere deep inside.  And I am making it my goal to see that spark in every single person I see on a daily basis.

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Sharing another pic from the Santa Monica pier where I went to the spiritual conference on October 16th, 17th and 18th!

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Blessings and light to you on this glorious day!

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Ray

A little ditty to say "Hi!"

It’s been a while since my last post. I figured I should come out here and at least say “Hi!” just to keep the blog going.

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I’ve been exceptionally busy lately and I am feeling extremely run down today. The past two weeks have been non-stop at work as well as at my real estate biz after hours. I have been trying to make a lot more room for my spiritual endeavors as well and just returned from a magical weekend in Santa Monica with the lovely Lisa Williams. You may have seen Lisa on Lifetime Television’s series called “Life Among the Dead.” Lisa is a gifted medium who will astound you with her accuracy whether or not you believe in that kind of stuff. But she is also an amazing person with a lot of loving energy. I really liked her a lot…she’s funny, warm, and a deeply spiritual person.

The weekend was a spiritual development conference and I came away recharged after spending time with some amazing people. We left Sacramento early on Friday morning and arrived at the Doubletree in Santa Monica on Friday afternoon. Anne-Marie Trout attended the conference with me and we also had the opportunity to meet up with some friends in the area. It’s been a very long time since I had been in Santa Monica…sometime back in the 80’s if I recall. I don’t recall ever having visited the pier before. We ended up having a great dinner at Bubba Gump on Sunday evening before we left to drive back to Sacramento.

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So, it has been back to work this week but with a renewed focus on my spiritual growth. I can’t allow myself to get so busy I forget to meditate and pray on a daily basis.

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Hope you are all having a great week! Blessings and light to you all!

Remembering...

A heavy heart always accompanies this day for all of us in America some 8 years later.  I remember and give tribute to those we lost in the 9/11 attacks...including a high school friend, Maynard "Jiff" Spence, who was on a business trip in NYC.  He was on the 99th floor of the south tower and never made it home.  Condolences to his family on this day and to all of the families who were not reunited that day due to a lost loved one.

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We will never forget you!

"Today, I recognize the infinite wisdom within me. I trust this wisdom in every decision I make."

Today, I recognize the infinite wisdom within me.  I trust this wisdom in every decision I make.

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Learning to trust our “gut” feelings takes a lot of practice.  We tend to second guess ourselves in the face of certain data and facts that contradict what we feel on the inside.  And I don’t know about you, but I usually end up regretting any decision that goes against that gut feeling.  I believe we instinctively know on a spiritual level what is best for us.

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We make hundreds or thousands of decisions daily.  Most of them require little effort like what we’re going to have for breakfast or what shirt we will wear to work that day.  Others, like buying a home or another large purchase, require more thought.  Even so, we have usually made up our mind before we know the facts or data based on intuition.  We are waiting for the data to justify our actions.

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I’m still learning how to trust that inner voice…but when I do let go and trust it completely, it never guides me to the wrong place.  It’s kept me out of trouble on multiple occasions like when I felt I shouldn’t take a certain highway on a trip only to find later that there was an accident that would’ve tied me up for possibly hours.  Sometimes I’ll ignore the phone because I’m tired but that little voice will tell me to pick up because it’s important…and it’s usually right.  I’ve heard similar stories from dozens of people. 

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So, connect to that voice and heed it well.  It will never lead you astray.

"I am raising my spiritual vibrations to respond to every negative situation in a positive manner. Anger and other negative emotions do not suit me."

I had a special request last night to write about anger management today. It’s a subject with which I’m well acquainted.

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When I was younger, I had a lot of anger issues and both of my brothers have struggled with similar situations as well. My middle brother is serving a life sentence for murder because he could never learn to handle his rage, so there can be disastrous results if we don’t learn to deal with this powerful emotion constructively. Both of his children are now dealing with rage issues and it’s seriously affecting their ability to hold a job or stay out of legal troubles.

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There were many times as a young man I put my fist inside a wall or nearly drove my car into a ditch or a tree because I could not control the rage inside me. I wanted to totally destroy property or people when my anger was directed toward them. It used to terrify me after the fact and I would break down into tears because of the guilt I felt when the anger would finally pass …guilt from the thoughts I was having during that rage. I could’ve easily hurt someone in that state of mind and came close on a few occasions to seriously injuring myself.

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I started meditating when I was in my early 20’s after a bout of rage where I nearly drove my car into the Chattahoochee River in Cobb County, Georgia. It was a hot, humid summer evening and I was angry over a romantic break up.

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I had met “D” during a concert in Illinois. Two weeks later, I flew from Atlanta to Chicago to spend a week with D and I will be honest: This was 1982 and I had never had a boyfriend before that time. I had been engaged to a couple of girls before this, but this was the first time I had felt a romantic connection to any other person who felt the same in return.

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The week was fantastic and things went along really well for a few months. It was a long distance relationship, but we figured it would work out. We talked a lot on the phone and wrote long, romantic letters to each other. About three months into this, I had purchased a ticket for D to spend a week with me in Atlanta. Three days before he was to arrive at my home, I had a phone call telling me that he had met someone else and was breaking off our relationship. He felt guilty that I was paying for his trip to Atlanta when he knew he was planning to end it within a few weeks anyway.

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I played it cool on the phone simply because I didn’t want him to know how much he had hurt me. The minute I hung up from the conversation, I flew into a rage. I destroyed dishes, a glass top on my coffee table; and I grabbed my keys and took off in my Camaro.

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I honestly don’t know why I didn’t get stopped by the cops. I was speeding at some points up to 100 miles an hour and more. When I got to the river, I aimed for it but changed my mind at the last minute. I spun out of control and the side of my car ended up against a tree. There was considerable damage to the car door ($1100 in those days was a lot of money for a car that was $5000 brand new), but I was fortunately unhurt.

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Once the rage had calmed down, I drove home. I sat crying on my balcony realizing that if I didn’t do something to learn to control these emotional outbursts, I could do something I would seriously regret later.

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So, I took up meditation on the recommendation of a Buddhist friend of mine. A lot of the Christian folks I worked with at the time advised me against it because they believed it was indoctrination into Buddhism, but I didn’t care. Within a few weeks, I could see a huge difference. After year, I was a totally different person. I still have my moments of anger…after all, it’s a human emotion and it’s a natural response to certain stimuli; and I’ve also gone through phases where I didn’t meditate for months or even a year or two at a time. But, once I recognized old patterns returning, I would always go back to it. We can learn to alter our response to the emotion and deal with it in a more constructive manner. Meditation and daily affirmations can make a huge difference.

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If anger is an issue for you, try sitting in a comfortable position, focusing on your breathing, and repeating this affirmation in your mind for a minimum of 15 to 20 minutes a day. It can work wonders.

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I’m living proof.

Blessings and light!!

Ray

"I accept the impermanence of this life even as I celebrate the eternal nature of spirit."

I chose this affirmation today because I’m at that age when it’s really important to have all of your affairs in order. When we are young, I dare say that most of us believe death will never come. We live our lives carefree and innocent; as if we will never grow old and never die. We don’t seem to have a concept of what death is. Perhaps it's ignorance…because we are so sheltered from the realities of life by our parents or caregivers…or perhaps it's because we have a fresher connection on a subconscious level of our lives in spirit before coming into this physical life.

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The optimist in me chooses the latter.

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As we grow up and see our parents and grandparents grow older and feebler with age, it starts to hit home that this existence is temporary. I was 11 years old when my great-grandfather passed, but I didn’t understand the concept of death and I wasn’t allowed to go to the funeral. I don’t recall my parents really discussing what happened with me or my siblings nor do I recall being overly upset. My great-grandfather was exceptionally hard of hearing and a bit on the crotchety side as an old man. I loved him dearly, but I was afraid of him and kept my distance for the most part.

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I was 22 years old when my grandmother passed very suddenly. I was living in Atlanta at the time and I recall that I had fallen asleep on my couch watching TV that evening. I was in that place between asleep and awake when the phone rang. I picked it up knowing full well that it was my mother and also knowing that my grandmother had passed. She had just come to say goodbye to me in a dream. It was no surprise at all and I was completely at peace with it until I got home for the funeral and that's when I fell apart. I had never been that close this grandmother or this side of the family at all. She had always been old and frail…a bit on the whiny side because she felt no one ever did anything for her or came to visit her…when the truth was that we didn’t like to visit because she was mostly negative when we went there. Don’t get me wrong…I’m not speaking ill of the dead and I loved her just as much as I loved my other grandparents. It’s just that her personality was different and she was harder to get to know as a child.

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At any rate, when I got home for the funeral, I was devastated. I had a lot of guilt that I hadn’t seen her in a while nor had I called her. I wished that I had told her “I love you” one more time before she had passed and that I had made time to visit more often. As a young person, we often don’t think about these things until it’s too late…and then we tend to beat ourselves up for it after the fact. We also look at death with a great deal of fear because the concept is so foreign to us and the finality of it is overwhelming.

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Now that I’m approaching the big 50th birthday next year…and after the deaths of more friends and loved ones than I can count on all my fingers and toes…I look at death in a totally different manner. I look at it with a reverence…curiosity…even with awe and amazement. I know in my heart that physical death is not the end of spirit and we will go on. I’m not afraid of what’s after this life…perhaps a little afraid of the pain that’s sometimes associated with growing old and dying. But, I’m curious and I actually am looking forward to the experience just to know what’s next. Not any time soon, of course…but you know what I mean.

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But even though we know that it’s coming, we still tend to put it out of our minds. I’m amazed at how people can be so surprised, shocked, or angry that death takes a loved one at any age and how unfair they feel it is. Death is the great equalizer. It’s probably the most unbiased thing that will happen to us in this life time. It does not discriminate with regard to race, sex, age, religion, sexual orientation, or even species. It comes to every living thing at one time or another. And yet, it always seems to take the majority of us by surprise as if for some reason, it might just pass us by…as if we and those we love have some special immunity to it.

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So, my message here today is to live your life fully and completely on a daily basis. Love and cherish those around you each day as if you may never see them again. And remember that when you’re lying on your deathbed, you won’t be regretting that you didn’t spend more time in the office…you’ll likely be regretting not spending more time with those you love or not following your dreams. Find a way to make them happen.

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The first step is to believe in yourself.

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Blessings and light!

"I release the burdens that I carry for other people; so they may grow and learn their own life lessons."

I release the burdens that I carry for other people; so they may grow and learn their own life lessons.

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There is an old saying that God never gives us more than we can carry. There is also another saying that speaks to “biting off more than we can chew.” We are each given divine free will and it’s that free will that often gets us in trouble. God has promised us strength to carry our own burdens, but often times we take on the burdens of others under the guise of “helping them out” or because we basically feel sorry for them and do it out of guilt. When we take on other people’s problems, we sometimes lose the ability to carry our own because the weight is too much.  Our own challenges or burdens hold important life lessons for us and if we fail, then we usually fail to learn the lesson.

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There are times when we should be truly a Good Samaritan and help those who are in need. There are also very powerful life lessons we can learn from those experiences; however, there are many other times when we need to step away and let others learn to care for themselves. I’ve learned this lesson harshly in my own life and I’ve had to step back from taking care of people who refuse to take responsibility for themselves or their own actions.

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These may sound like common sense, but here are a few things that are worth considering with certain relationships in your life:

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1. Never loan anyone money unless you can afford to lose it. If you decide to loan it, consider it a gift and let it go. If it comes back to you, then it’s a blessing. And quite frankly, some people need to learn to manage money. Saying “No” might just create the right situation for them to learn that lesson.
2. Certainly, this is only reserved for those who abuse your relationship, but learn to say “No” when committing to a favor may cause unnecessary hardship for yourself. This is especially true for those people in our lives who constantly ask us to pick up their dry cleaning, or something they forgot at the market, or anything else that is a constant annoyance for you. Why should your pain be any less important than the pain of the person asking the favor? If they forgot their dry cleaning, let them do without. They probably won’t forget it again if it was important enough in the first place. Create the right balance in your life and perhaps by saying “No” to someone who constantly abuses you to run their errands or do their chores will teach them time management and organizational skills.
3. If a person in your life is constantly sending out negative energy by whining and complaining about situations in their life, then perhaps it’s time you tell them to stop whining and do something about it. Being around a negative person siphons our energies and drains us emotionally, spiritually, and physically. You might want to tell them that you’re tired of them dragging you down. Misery loves company, but we are free to say “NO!” to the invitation to join them. I know people who can walk into a room full of people and make everyone else uncomfortable or depressed without saying a word. Avoid them and keep your positive energy flowing…and in some situations, it may be necessary to end a friendship because it is simply too unhealthy.

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Now, there are times we’re dealt situations such as a sick relative in which we become a primary caregiver or a decision maker for someone who is incapacitated and unable to care for him or her self…and this type of scenario is a different matter altogether. Many times, these are life lessons that build incredibly positive karma for us when we have to put our own needs and desires aside to care for these folks. And it’s in these situations that we might feel cheated or even resentful towards the person or persons we have to care for…but I believe that we should look at it as a place of honor. God has trusted the lives of these friends or family members to us and it’s a position of reverence. Even the Bible says that there is no greater love than that of someone who would lay down his life for a friend. Taking that a step further…subordinating our own desires and putting our life on hold to care for another who is truly in need is nothing short of saint-like as long as we do it with a positive attitude and a loving heart.

 

May this blog find you happy, healthy, and blessed!

Ray

"I celebrate the accomplishments of others to motivate me toward my own success."

I celebrate the accomplishments of others to motivate me toward my own success.

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I'm semi-stealing this one today, although I did add to it and modified it for my own use.  I use it as a reminder to never be jealous of another person's success.  Instead, let their good fortune motivate you to strive for your own.

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To be jealous of someone's accomplishments indicates that you believe in a world of "lack."  Subconsciously, you believe there is not enough wealth and success to go around and that if someone else "makes it," then there is somehow not enough left for you to share in the glory as well.  I believe in a universe filled with abundance.  If other people are able to "make it," then there is more than enough left for you to do so as well. 

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There is a subset of folks who just aren't happy with who they are or the gifts that they have been given.  Just remember, that if you wish you were Brad Pitt, then you're out of luck. Only Brad Pitt can be Brad Pitt.  You must be whoever you are and find your own destiny.  Not everyone is destined to be a famous movie star or pop singer either.  In some cases, we may want what we weren't destined to do.  If you want to be an actor, but have more talent on the business end, perhaps you're meant to be an agent or a producer.  I know that I was destined to be a singer/musician.  I accomplished that at an early age and I made a good living touring professionally from 1978 til 1986.  

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I found out very quickly to my surprise that I didn't enjoy the business.  It was ruthless and cutthroat...not knowing where my next gig was coming from was stressful and living out of a suitcase on the road was a nightmare.  And let's face it...in the late 70's and early 80's, coming out of the closet in that business was suicide.  I finally decided that a stable job and my personal happiness were more important.  I also realized that I could still be a musician/singer, but I didn't have to do it for a living.

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These days, I know that I can perform any time I want, but I am much happier working a real job with benefits; and performing because I love to perform and not because I'm desperate for money.  Not to mention that this stability has allowed me to be in a loving and caring personal relationship; something that was very difficult to achieve while traveling 300+ days a year.

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So I encourage you to spend time daily in meditation and prayer and learn to read the signs from spirit as to which direction you need to take.  Sometimes we get signs in dreams or little coincidences that occur during the day.  If something is meant to be, there will be an avenue opening up to allow it to transpire.  But, if road blocks and disappointment are constantly thrown in your way, perhaps spirit is trying to tell you that either now is not the time or that there are other opportunities in the cards for you.  Perhaps you need to spend more time in training or networking...or perhaps there is another life event on the horizon that needs focus at the current time.  Spirit always knows what's best for us.  Learn to trust it.

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Blessings and light!

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Ray

"I attract only positive relationships in my life."

I attract only positive relationships in my life. I surround myself with loving and caring friends and distance myself from negative people.

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I had to use this over the weekend. I read a post from someone on FaceBook that included a link to a very negative blog set up to "pan" theater performances in this area. The person(s) who writes this blog seems to take joy in anonymously criticising local community and professional theater companies and taking pot shots at performers...many of whom are close friends of mine.

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Of course, my first thought was to react in anger and write negative, hurtful comments on the blog; but, then it dawned on me that this is exactly the type of energy the person is trying to create. This person thrives on the attention, the drama, and the negativity. Otherwise, why post a public blog and keep your identity a secret while throwing all this junk out to the world? It serves no purpose but to build one's self up by tearing other people down. Quite frankly, the person who wrote this did it to stir up sh*t...whether out of jealousy, a sense of superiority, or a combination of the two.

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If it were written with constructive criticism in mind, it might be a different story. It's not. The energy from this blog reads (and pardon me for saying it this way) like a stereotypical sarcastic drama queen.

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So, I have promised myself not to visit this website again and I encourage you to do the same. I've said this before...where attention goes, energy flows. Giving any recognition or posting links to this blog does nothing but stroke the writer's ego and encourages more of his or her behavior. Those who get a thrill from this negativity will continue to stir it up and they (along with the blog's author) will reap the results of the negative karma.

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And besides...the more you stir sh*t, the worse it stinks. Lord knows I've stirred my share of it in my lifetime. It's best to let it go.

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I send you love and light on this beautiful day and encourage you all to continue sharing your wonderful talents with the world.

The dogs from Michael Vick's dogfighting ring...

Watching Dog Town on NatGeo channel.  They are working to rehabilitate 22 dogs from Michael Vick's illegal dog fighting ring.  I'm trying very hard not to judge Mr. Vick, but my heart is aching.  It's a good thing I don't like football, because it would probably ruin it for me now that he's playing again.  I hope he is truly rehabilitated...

Just a little personal note this morning...

A break from the affirmations to give you a big "Hi!" from Sacramento.  Things are going very well for James and I as we're happy and healthy...except that James is getting over a bout of strep throat right now.  Otherwise, life is good.

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The puppies are doing well.  We had to put Odie on meds for hypothyroidism, but it's made a big difference for him.  His energy level is up and it seems he is more focused.  He doesn't stay in bed sleeping all day anymore.  He follows us around the house and is more involved with the rest of the family.

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The job is going extremely well right now.  I have been a bit on the busy side, but it's all been good.  I am also working with 3 real estate clients at the moment trying to get them each in a new home.  It's hard in this market because the competition is stiff for the less expensive homes.  But, we're pushing ahead and hopefully they will be in their own homes by the end of the year.

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Hard to believe that summer is almost over.  I'm glad that we didn't have such a hot summer here in the valley this year.  I'm predicting a very mild temperature winter, but with a lot of precipitation.  I think we'll see more rain here in Northern California than we've seen in about 10 years or so.

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So, that's my little status update.  Not much happening right now except I will remind you that I'm directing The True Story of the Big Bad Wolf at Runaway Stage Production.  We open on September 12th and it should be a decent production.  Hope you can come out and see it!

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Blessings and Light!

"When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."

A great quote from Dr. Wayne Dyer.  I have personally been struggling with this for a while.  I want to improve my attitude and focus on my spiritual development, but doing so is re-focusing my attention away from things that used to seem important.

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I am a recovering news junkie.  I just can't get enough of reading news on a daily basis...especially politics.  But, I'm finding the more I meditate and focus on my daily affirmations, this "addiction" is changing dramatically.  I don't care what "what's his name" is doing in the White House.  I don't care who is the "Worst Person in the World" on the countdown any longer.  Politics is a hateful game.  It's not about doing the work of the people.  It's about power.  Those who are in power want to keep it and those who are out of power try to destroy those who are in power.  There is no compromise and members of each party are in attack mode or defense mode.  There is no middle ground.

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So, as I meditate and do this work to become a more loving, peaceful person, I find that I don't really care who has won the election.  I will do my duty by voting my conscience, but then I need to let the universe unfold as it is meant to.  The negativity generated by political theater makes us cynical, combative, and unhappy individuals.  The tide will always turn...this country seems to swing back and forth between liberal and conservative.  The Democrats have their time in the sun for a while and then the Republicans will take over for a while.  And until they learn to work together for the common good, the only thing they will accomplish is partisan bickering and each party will try to undo what the previous party in power put in place.  It's a nasty game and has nothing to do with what's important in our lives.

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I now choose to focus on the gifts I have received from God such as my family, friends, my hubby, my career...these are the things that are important in our lives.  As I work to raise my spiritual vibration to higher levels, I'm leaving this negative political energy behind.  CNN and MSNBC are getting less and less air time in my home because it leads to distrust for other human beings.

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I choose love.  This is the most important thing.

“I have everything I need in abundance – physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.”

“I have everything I need in abundance – physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.”
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We must have faith that God, the universal power, or whatever you believe in, will provide for us. The universe is filled with over-abundance. Our job is to focus on what we want or need and know that it is ours. Have faith that the universe will move people, events, or resources into place to manifest your desires.
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The key here is to remain positive...if you are constantly sending the message out that “I’m broke” then the universe gets that message and sends you more of the same. If you are telling your co-workers, “I have a crappy job,” then guess what…the universe thinks you want a crappy job and will continue to shovel the crap to you because you are expending SO much energy focusing on that crappy job. And where attention goes, energy flows.
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Use this affirmation. Modify it to fit your needs…I like to change it up occasionally such as, “I have everything I need in abundance. I have the perfect job, a loving relationship, and abundant health. I am perfectly happy and attract loving energy from those around me.”
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If I need money, I might add “I have unlimited financial resources and have $500 for x.” X might be a car repair, new clothes, or a trip to Disneyland. Be specific!! This may sound silly, but I’ve personally used it, and suddenly out of the blue I’ll have a check for $500 from an unexpected source. There was once I used it and got a surprise tax refund because I made a mistake on my taxes when filing them the month before. I have used it and got an unexpected call to play piano in an orchestra for the exact amount of money I need or a real estate client will suddenly be referred to me.
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If you’re looking for a new job or a career, try “My dream job already exists. I am attracting the right contacts and resources to transition into that job now.”
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You will be amazed how things will fall into place if you keep a positive attitude, an open mind, and a loving heart.

We are here to love, not to judge!

This is one of my favorite affirmations for many reasons...mainly because it's one of the most difficult things to master as I journey through my daily routine at work, school, rehearsal, etc.  It's hard to look at people and not make some kind of judgement in my mind such as, "Why did he wear that tie today?" or "What was she thinking with that hairstyle?" or "If I had legs like that, I'd never wear those shorts!"
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Of course, there are worse judgements such as hating someone because of race or religion or sexual orientation, etc.
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I think the majority of us judge because we need to feel in control...we have a set way that we feel people should behave, or dress, or live their lives...and if they deviate from that expectation, our mind is quick to criticize.  We also have expectations set by society that only people with the right hairstyle or clothes or boob size or waist size are acceptable or attractive or worthy of love and respect.
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What we neglect to remember is that human beings are given free will by our creator.  What's the point of having divine free will if we're forced to live up to the unrealistic expectations of other human beings?  How many lives have been ruined or destroyed because they couldn't live up to some unreasonable standard set by the "in crowd" clique or an unshared religious belief; or something as simple as a child not following in a parent's footsteps?
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So, today...take a moment to breathe each time you feel a judgement coming on about someone else.  Let other people live their lives as they please and just love them.  And don't love someone in spite of their differences...love him or her because of their differences.
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Have a blessed day!

Moving things over...

I am in the process of moving some old posts and links over from my old blog. This one will be public while the old address will be disabled shortly. Everything should be up and running in the next day or so!  I'm not copying everything over from the old blog.  Working very hard to keep this new one upbeat and with a spiritual focus.  Positive energy only!!

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Blessings and Light!

Ray

A week of gifts and challenges...

It's been a hectic week...work has been crazy with deadlines and change requests and multiple competing priorities. It's busy in a good way, but just frustrating spending so much time trying to meet deadlines and then have your client throw a change request that completely derails your deliverable dates. Just part of the business I guess...

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On another positive note, one of my real estate clients had an offer accepted on a property this week. It's a short sale, so now we're waiting for the seller's lender to approve the deal. The listing agent says it shouldn't take long as they have been working with the lender throughout the entire ordeal.

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We added a new family member to the household this week. Tilly the Turtle joined us on Monday evening after I picked her up from Petco that afternoon. She seems very happy in the pond. She was very skittish for the first few days, but now comes out and suns herself every morning on the rocks. But if we open the back door and go outside, she quickly darts back into the pond to hide.

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I started a new certification class for my hypnosis credentials. I have two certifications already...one as a hypnotist (the basic class) and another in past life regression therapy. I'm working on a smoking cessation certification now. I have thoroughly enjoyed these classes and have been using self-hypnosis to affect some positive change in my own life. I don't know what else I will do with these new certifications, but I've already had friends who want me to help them with issues they are working on.

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I have been planning a spiritual retreat to Santa Monica in October. I'll be gone the weekend of October 16th for three days. I was hesitant to book the trip because of the money, but James and I have been blessed with additional income due to the real estate referrals I've had this year. We are desperately working to become completely debt free in the next few years...and that includes paying off the mortgage on the house. I did a cashout refinance a few years ago to make some improvements and we are underwater now with our mortgage due to the housing recession. It's not a bad thing as we can make the payments, but after all of the layoffs I've been through we realized that we need to learn to live within our means and not borrow for anything. So, I'm working 12 to 14 hours a day lately trying to earn enough to get everything paid off and sock enough savings away to last us for a year or so in the event of another layoff.

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I'm dedicated to a more spiritual path this year. I found myself for a long time giving in to negativity and cynicism around me...I was allowing myself to be drawn in to petty drama and bickering. And yes, Prop 8 did and still does tick me off. I'm at peace with it right now because I know in my heart it will be overturned in the not-so-distant future and because James and I were not affected by the outcome. The important thing is that he and I are together and are thankful how much things have changed in my life time to give us the legal rights that we have now.

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So, here I sit on a Sunday morning blogging and petting Willow. I have a slight headache from some wine I drank last night. I watched "Push" with Chris Evans and Dakota Fanning on the big screen last night. Not a great movie, but definitely not bad. But, before I knew it the entire bottle of wine was gone...and James doesn't drink, so I can't even blame part of it on him!!

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Hope you're day is filled with blessings and love.

A beautiful morning...

I am sitting here on the couch with my chihuahua-mix, Willow...the doors and windows are open and a refreshing cool breeze is blowing through the house. Everything feels crisp and new this morning. There's a bird chirping in one of the trees in my front yard and a humming bird just came to the feeder and then zoomed off. It's a perfect morning. Peaceful, quiet, serene...James had a cup of coffee and I made some green tea. He's meditating in the back room now and will be heading off to the Dharma center soon.
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I'm thoroughly content to sit here on the couch with Willow. No TV or phones are on. I just had the urge to blog, so I picked up the laptop to document these thoughts. I'm going to do my own meditation when James leaves. I hope to get in a good 30-45 minutes this morning. Some of those meditations are intense...I feel tingly and like my spirit is vibrating so fast it's rising out of my body. The pure joy of those sessions and the emotional high afterward are so addicting...but it's the best kind of addiction. I feel a closeness to God, the universe, and to every other human being. It's just hard to explain, but it's incredible. There is this tingling sensation like a surge of energy rushes through my body and I see lights and hear sounds. And there is an overwhelming feeling of love and gratitude and sometimes I swear I can feel the presence of loved ones who have crossed over...it is something I wish everyone would experience.
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Yesterday, James and I had Quanna and her family over. It was wonderful to see my god son and his god brother, Harold. Both of them are going on 15 and they are great kids. I really enjoyed seeing them and watching movies on the big screen together as a family.
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I haven't really blogged here about it, but I was diagnosed with Type II diabetes about a month ago. I'm doing okay with it...it's harder to watch my diet than I thought it would be, but I am making progress. I have brought my cholesterol down from 226 to 202 this last round of testing. And I'll be honest...I would not have these health issues if I would learn to manage my diet and get motivated to exercise more. If I were to lose 50 or 60 pounds, I wouldn't have to be on blood pressure or diabetic meds. I'm going to try and use hypnosis to make some positive changes on these issues.
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We need prayers for a very close family member who is battling cancer. The chemo is overwhelming her right now as she is on a very high dose of these chemicals to help eradicate the disease from her body. It's taking a huge toll and it's a humbling experience for those around her watching her bravely battle this illness. Please send prayers, love, and positive energy her way.
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I'm sending out prayers, love and positive energy as well today. Not only to our sick friend, but to all of you. God has made today a special day for some reason. Any day is special, but today seems even more so for some reason. Keep love in your heart for all people...even those who hold different beliefs than you. Regardlesss of whether you disagree with their politics, their lifestyle, their religion...we are all doing the best we can based on our individual experiences and life lessons. I believe in the basic goodness of most people...but we let the actions of the minority sculpt our opinion of the majority. We have become a superficial, skeptical, and distrusting society...and we blame everyone else for society's ills when the truth is we could fix it all today if everyone would learn to love thy neighbors instead of judging them.
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I'm sounding like an old hippie today...sending out blessings to you all!!

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Ray

4th of July Weekend

Sorry I didn't get a chance to return to blogging earlier this week, but life has been very busy. As a result of having fewer people to do the work since our layoffs, my workload has doubled. I've spent more time at the office and have done more work from home in order to keep up. It hasn't been too bad so far, but definitely is keeping me busy.
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Real estate has calmed down a bit for me. I am still working with three different clients, but their work and personal schedules don't leave a lot of time to look at homes. So, I may show three or four houses in a week which only takes a couple of hours.
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I am taking a baby step back into theater by directing The True Story of the Big Bad Wolf at Runaway Stage Productions. Auditions are July 14th, so I hope some of you will come out to audition.
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James was recently promoted to Service Manager at Chipotle. He's also had a lot of extracurricular activities with Lions Roar Dharma Center lately...plus, he was gone for 8 days for a retreat in the Santa Cruz mountains area last month. He's there again today for another empowerment ceremony, but will be home late tonight in time for our 4th of July celebration tomorrow.
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Mom will be making a California trek here shortly. We're looking at flights sometime in August, so I am looking forward to see her.
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Blessings go out to you all along with wishes for a safe and happy 4th of July. We've come so far as a country since the Declaration of Independence was signed in 1776. Even though we still have a lot of room for improvement, I believe we live in the best country in the world. Celebrate that freedom this weekend with people you love!

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Ray

The heat is here...

Wow...I haven't posted in a couple of months. Work has been kicking my butt lately. We lost two people and the workload has tripled for me. I still love my job, though. The real estate stuff has slowed down since we closed the house in West Sacramento last month. Still working with two other clients, but things are a little less hectic right now due to their availability to look at homes.
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James has been promoted to Service Manager at his job and that's a good thing for our finances. We are making progress towards our goal of being debt free within the next 3-5 years. If things go well, we'll actually meet that goal within 2 years and then will be able to move into a bigger home.
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We're dealing with some family medical issues that are life-threatening right now. My brother, Craig, had a massive heart attack last month and he's only 47. There are some other problems that I can't go into here out of respect for their privacy, but we really need your prayers for another family member who is battling advanced cancer. It's a very humbling and difficult thing to deal with. It certainly encourages us on a daily basis to take stock of our own lives and remember to tell those we love how much they mean to us. I know that I'm trying to be more focused on my spiritual path; knowing that this life is just a minor distraction in the cosmic theme. When this one ends, we move on to the next existence and continue to learn and grow spiritually. As I am rapidly approaching 50, I am reminded more often of my mortality as I see friends, family, and favorite entertainers all passing away around me.
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More to come later today. I'm on my way shopping and just felt the need to drop a line to let everyone know that we are safe, happy, and enjoying married life to the fullest!

New Deal for Christmas

More Annie clips

Sweeney Todd - Pretty Women

My all-time favorite role from 2006 at RSP.

Clips from Oklahoma - RSP 2007

My last public singing performance since 2007...Jud Fry in Oklahoma.

Clip from Smokey Joe's Cafe - RSP 2007

Clip from Annie - RSP November, 2006