Holidays winding down...

It has been a busy busy couple of weeks.  I don't even know where to begin to give you an update.

First of all, Christmas was amazing.  I had most of last week off and spent it mostly doing last minute shopping and menu planning for Christmas dinner.  Mom, Sandra and I took last Wednesday and went to San Francisco to see a production of Riverdance at the Golden Gate Theater.  It was wonderful and I'm so thankful to my friend, Kim Negrete, for getting us tickets.  Mom and Sandra absolutely loved the show...as did I.  I have seen Riverdance three times before and I love the musicians and the singers as much as the dancers in the show.

Christmas day was busy starting at 7:30am to get the turkey cleaned and the stuffing made.  It went in the oven about 9am and everything was ready about 3pm.  We also had ham, homemade macaroni and cheese, collard greens, sweet potato biscuits, mashed potatoes and gravy (made from scratch), and homemade sweets made by James and his sister while the rest of us were at Riverdance on Wednesday.  It really was an almost perfect day.  The only disappointment was the absence of Quanna's parents...Momma Brisbane is back in chemo for her cancer treatments and was simply not able to be with us for Christmas day.  But, we did have Quanna, Justin, Mom, Aunt Sandra, Ranelle, Shenay, James, and his mom, sister, and niece.  Plenty of food and great fellowship was the order of the day.

James got me a Wii game system that I have become addicted to...especially the tennis game.  I got him a new netbook.  I also got a couple of BlueRay movies that I wanted:  Star Trek and Terminator: Salvation.  And a few Wii games as well.  My Aunt Sandra got me Ghost Whisperer Season 4.  All in all...an amazing Christmas this year.

I spent some time Christmas evening after everyone had left just meditating and remembering those people who are no longer with us at Christmas...my grandparents, my dad, my Aunt Margie, my best friend, Ron...so many wonderful memories that I carry in my heart and mind of Christmas with them through the years.  I know they were there in spirit...I felt their presence many times throughout the day on the 25th.  While prepping the turkey that morning, I suddenly had a picture of my grandmother in my head and I felt like there was a touch on the side of my cheek.  Little things such as this firmly root my belief that our friends and family never leave us...they are still around us and will be there to meet us when it's our time to cross over.

So, now my thoughts turn to 2010 and look forward to another amazing year of blessings.  Sending love and light to each and every one of you during this holiday season!

New adventures and a Happy Friday to ya!

I am happy that it's a Friday as I haven't been sleeping well the past few nights.  I seemed to have pulled something in my shoulder, so every time I move in my sleep it hurts.  One of the joys of nearing a half century old, I guess!  LOL!

My mother took a nasty fall at my house this past week.  She seemed to be okay, but a day or so later she started having a lot of pain in her right leg.  Of course, trying to see a doctor has been a challenge due to the flu season, but we have another appointment on Monday.  Until then, we're keeping her off her feet and using ice and heat.

I had my first meeting with a new real estate broker last night.  I am moving my license under his brokerage starting tomorrow.  He's training me to be a loan officer using my existing real estate license and I should be set up to start processing loans next week.  We begin training Saturday morning at 10am.  I'm really looking forward to it.  I mean, I love my day job...but doing this part time will help me become debt-free in the next couple of years and sock away a lot of money for retirement.  Hopefully, it will also help me stave off bankruptcy in the event of another layoff.  Three layoffs in the last five years have made me a bit paranoid.

Tonight, I am cooking dinner for the family and my dear friend, Anne-Marie Trout.  We're planning pot roast (by special request since I haven't made one in 10 years or so) followed by Ghost Whisperer and Muppet Christmas Carol.  Plus, my hubby has the night off as well.  I'm really looking forward to a relaxing evening surrounded by good food and family.

My friends at Runaway Stage Productions are in rehearsals for The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee which opens January 8th.  I don't know this show at all, but I hear it's hilarious!  Davis Musical Theater Company is rehearsing the outrageous musical comedy, The Producers.  It's quite the coup as they are the first community theater company to be doing this show in the Sacramento area.  They have a New Years' Eve gala for this event as well.  Should be a lot of fun.

My dear friends at Artistic Differences are closing 1940's Radio Hour this weekend, but I hear they are all sold out.  Congratulations to them on a successful run!

I feel way out of the loop on shows lately as I'm not involved in productions any longer.  It's not that I have no interest...it's simply a matter of time these days.  I haven't even sung on stage in 2 1/2 years now and I need to change that soon.  More information will be coming about my new web series in the new year, so watch this space!

We are almost done with Christmas shopping around our house.  Thank spirit for many blessings this year as we will have a wonderful holiday surrounded by great friends and family.  That's what Christmas is all about and I, for one, try to be thankful on a daily basis for all that I have.

Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year to all of you!

Old friends...

I was blessed yesterday to be reunited online with an old and dear friend.  I hadn't talked to her since 1987.  We caught up via email for the past couple of days and it's been great to share where my life path has gone and to see where hers has taken her.

Part of going back and talking to people from your past brings up not only good memories, but also the not-so-good.  I was a much different person in the mid-80's.  I was hiding in the closet...afraid to lose my job and my friends and my family if I came out.  I became self-destructive and did a lot of things that I'm not proud of...so, those memories have been flooding back as well.

Often I say to myself, "If I could go back and change certain things about my past, but still know what I know now...how would my life be different?"  Well, the answer is...I can't do it.  And let's face it...the person we are at this very moment is defined by all of those experiences; the good and the bad.  If I had not made all of those mistakes in my younger years, I might still be making them and not be the person I am now.

I've not made amends with everyone for things that happened in the years between 1983 and 1986...not for lack of trying, but for not having a response to my attempts to reach out.  And in some cases, the people involved are no longer with us...but, I believe I have made amends with those folks through prayer and meditation.  The others who are still with us have ignored my letters and emails, so I can only assume they wish to let sleeping dogs lie.  And at this point in my life, so would I.  I have moved on.

The truth of the matter is...I have so many blessings in my life now that may not have materialized if I had done things differently 25 years ago.  I may not have the friends and the family and the love in my life that I have now if I had not learned the incredibly difficult and painful lessons that I have learned.  So, I need to keep that in mind as I go forward and learn to forgive myself for my own transgressions, past or present.  I'm sorry that I hurt the people that I did and I've done what I can to try and make amends...but I'm glad I made the mistakes and learned from them.

If that makes any sense at all.

Such amazing friends...

First of all...THANK YOU to all of my friends who sent birthday greetings.  Cards, cake, lunches, Facebook greetings, email...etc.  It was an amazing day and I sincerely love and appreciate you all.

I got a homemade chocolate cake from my hubby and a great book...plus, Mom and Aunt Sandra got me some new clothes.  Hard to believe I'm in the last year of my 40's.  Wow...this decade flew by.

I wanted to also share with you a statement I overheard from someone at work a few days ago.  I was having a soda and talking on my cell phone in the breakroom when I accidentally overheard a lady talking to one of her co-workers saying that she felt really empty inside...as if no one cared about her.  Her children, her husband, even her close friends....she felt as if no one really gave a rat's petootie whether she lived or died and the only reason any one would miss her was because of all the things she did for them.  And I thought, "How sad!"  Why would anyone feel this way?  But then I think back to when I was younger and had the same feelings from time to time...and I've been tempted to go down that road emotionally from time to time even today.

My advice to anyone who feels empty or unloved is to first of all learn to love yourself.  Nature abhors a vacuum, so if your heart feels empty it's because you are not allowing love into your life.  We cannot control other people or make them feel anything we want them to feel.  We can only control how we react to certain situations or scenarios in our lives.  If you feel unloved, then love yourself.  I seriously doubt that this lady is unloved...more than likely, she feels taken advantage of by her family and friends.  But I just wanted to shake her and tell her that she should love herself enough to go to her family and share her feelings.  Perhaps they are taking her for granted, but it's up to her to communicate her feelings and give them an opportunity to make amends.  And if necessary, she should take ownership to get out of the situation if it's truly an unhealthy one.

I believe that we all go through difficult times and occasionally, we need to talk about things with close friends or family members; but in the end, the power to change is within us.  Talk is cheap...if we don't follow through with action then what's the point of complaining?

Remember...there is more than enough love in this world to go around.  If we don't feel we have enough in our lives, most likely it's because we are blocking it ourselves.