Remembering...

A heavy heart always accompanies this day for all of us in America some 8 years later.  I remember and give tribute to those we lost in the 9/11 attacks...including a high school friend, Maynard "Jiff" Spence, who was on a business trip in NYC.  He was on the 99th floor of the south tower and never made it home.  Condolences to his family on this day and to all of the families who were not reunited that day due to a lost loved one.

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We will never forget you!

"Today, I recognize the infinite wisdom within me. I trust this wisdom in every decision I make."

Today, I recognize the infinite wisdom within me.  I trust this wisdom in every decision I make.

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Learning to trust our “gut” feelings takes a lot of practice.  We tend to second guess ourselves in the face of certain data and facts that contradict what we feel on the inside.  And I don’t know about you, but I usually end up regretting any decision that goes against that gut feeling.  I believe we instinctively know on a spiritual level what is best for us.

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We make hundreds or thousands of decisions daily.  Most of them require little effort like what we’re going to have for breakfast or what shirt we will wear to work that day.  Others, like buying a home or another large purchase, require more thought.  Even so, we have usually made up our mind before we know the facts or data based on intuition.  We are waiting for the data to justify our actions.

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I’m still learning how to trust that inner voice…but when I do let go and trust it completely, it never guides me to the wrong place.  It’s kept me out of trouble on multiple occasions like when I felt I shouldn’t take a certain highway on a trip only to find later that there was an accident that would’ve tied me up for possibly hours.  Sometimes I’ll ignore the phone because I’m tired but that little voice will tell me to pick up because it’s important…and it’s usually right.  I’ve heard similar stories from dozens of people. 

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So, connect to that voice and heed it well.  It will never lead you astray.

"I am raising my spiritual vibrations to respond to every negative situation in a positive manner. Anger and other negative emotions do not suit me."

I had a special request last night to write about anger management today. It’s a subject with which I’m well acquainted.

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When I was younger, I had a lot of anger issues and both of my brothers have struggled with similar situations as well. My middle brother is serving a life sentence for murder because he could never learn to handle his rage, so there can be disastrous results if we don’t learn to deal with this powerful emotion constructively. Both of his children are now dealing with rage issues and it’s seriously affecting their ability to hold a job or stay out of legal troubles.

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There were many times as a young man I put my fist inside a wall or nearly drove my car into a ditch or a tree because I could not control the rage inside me. I wanted to totally destroy property or people when my anger was directed toward them. It used to terrify me after the fact and I would break down into tears because of the guilt I felt when the anger would finally pass …guilt from the thoughts I was having during that rage. I could’ve easily hurt someone in that state of mind and came close on a few occasions to seriously injuring myself.

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I started meditating when I was in my early 20’s after a bout of rage where I nearly drove my car into the Chattahoochee River in Cobb County, Georgia. It was a hot, humid summer evening and I was angry over a romantic break up.

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I had met “D” during a concert in Illinois. Two weeks later, I flew from Atlanta to Chicago to spend a week with D and I will be honest: This was 1982 and I had never had a boyfriend before that time. I had been engaged to a couple of girls before this, but this was the first time I had felt a romantic connection to any other person who felt the same in return.

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The week was fantastic and things went along really well for a few months. It was a long distance relationship, but we figured it would work out. We talked a lot on the phone and wrote long, romantic letters to each other. About three months into this, I had purchased a ticket for D to spend a week with me in Atlanta. Three days before he was to arrive at my home, I had a phone call telling me that he had met someone else and was breaking off our relationship. He felt guilty that I was paying for his trip to Atlanta when he knew he was planning to end it within a few weeks anyway.

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I played it cool on the phone simply because I didn’t want him to know how much he had hurt me. The minute I hung up from the conversation, I flew into a rage. I destroyed dishes, a glass top on my coffee table; and I grabbed my keys and took off in my Camaro.

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I honestly don’t know why I didn’t get stopped by the cops. I was speeding at some points up to 100 miles an hour and more. When I got to the river, I aimed for it but changed my mind at the last minute. I spun out of control and the side of my car ended up against a tree. There was considerable damage to the car door ($1100 in those days was a lot of money for a car that was $5000 brand new), but I was fortunately unhurt.

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Once the rage had calmed down, I drove home. I sat crying on my balcony realizing that if I didn’t do something to learn to control these emotional outbursts, I could do something I would seriously regret later.

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So, I took up meditation on the recommendation of a Buddhist friend of mine. A lot of the Christian folks I worked with at the time advised me against it because they believed it was indoctrination into Buddhism, but I didn’t care. Within a few weeks, I could see a huge difference. After year, I was a totally different person. I still have my moments of anger…after all, it’s a human emotion and it’s a natural response to certain stimuli; and I’ve also gone through phases where I didn’t meditate for months or even a year or two at a time. But, once I recognized old patterns returning, I would always go back to it. We can learn to alter our response to the emotion and deal with it in a more constructive manner. Meditation and daily affirmations can make a huge difference.

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If anger is an issue for you, try sitting in a comfortable position, focusing on your breathing, and repeating this affirmation in your mind for a minimum of 15 to 20 minutes a day. It can work wonders.

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I’m living proof.

Blessings and light!!

Ray

"I accept the impermanence of this life even as I celebrate the eternal nature of spirit."

I chose this affirmation today because I’m at that age when it’s really important to have all of your affairs in order. When we are young, I dare say that most of us believe death will never come. We live our lives carefree and innocent; as if we will never grow old and never die. We don’t seem to have a concept of what death is. Perhaps it's ignorance…because we are so sheltered from the realities of life by our parents or caregivers…or perhaps it's because we have a fresher connection on a subconscious level of our lives in spirit before coming into this physical life.

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The optimist in me chooses the latter.

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As we grow up and see our parents and grandparents grow older and feebler with age, it starts to hit home that this existence is temporary. I was 11 years old when my great-grandfather passed, but I didn’t understand the concept of death and I wasn’t allowed to go to the funeral. I don’t recall my parents really discussing what happened with me or my siblings nor do I recall being overly upset. My great-grandfather was exceptionally hard of hearing and a bit on the crotchety side as an old man. I loved him dearly, but I was afraid of him and kept my distance for the most part.

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I was 22 years old when my grandmother passed very suddenly. I was living in Atlanta at the time and I recall that I had fallen asleep on my couch watching TV that evening. I was in that place between asleep and awake when the phone rang. I picked it up knowing full well that it was my mother and also knowing that my grandmother had passed. She had just come to say goodbye to me in a dream. It was no surprise at all and I was completely at peace with it until I got home for the funeral and that's when I fell apart. I had never been that close this grandmother or this side of the family at all. She had always been old and frail…a bit on the whiny side because she felt no one ever did anything for her or came to visit her…when the truth was that we didn’t like to visit because she was mostly negative when we went there. Don’t get me wrong…I’m not speaking ill of the dead and I loved her just as much as I loved my other grandparents. It’s just that her personality was different and she was harder to get to know as a child.

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At any rate, when I got home for the funeral, I was devastated. I had a lot of guilt that I hadn’t seen her in a while nor had I called her. I wished that I had told her “I love you” one more time before she had passed and that I had made time to visit more often. As a young person, we often don’t think about these things until it’s too late…and then we tend to beat ourselves up for it after the fact. We also look at death with a great deal of fear because the concept is so foreign to us and the finality of it is overwhelming.

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Now that I’m approaching the big 50th birthday next year…and after the deaths of more friends and loved ones than I can count on all my fingers and toes…I look at death in a totally different manner. I look at it with a reverence…curiosity…even with awe and amazement. I know in my heart that physical death is not the end of spirit and we will go on. I’m not afraid of what’s after this life…perhaps a little afraid of the pain that’s sometimes associated with growing old and dying. But, I’m curious and I actually am looking forward to the experience just to know what’s next. Not any time soon, of course…but you know what I mean.

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But even though we know that it’s coming, we still tend to put it out of our minds. I’m amazed at how people can be so surprised, shocked, or angry that death takes a loved one at any age and how unfair they feel it is. Death is the great equalizer. It’s probably the most unbiased thing that will happen to us in this life time. It does not discriminate with regard to race, sex, age, religion, sexual orientation, or even species. It comes to every living thing at one time or another. And yet, it always seems to take the majority of us by surprise as if for some reason, it might just pass us by…as if we and those we love have some special immunity to it.

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So, my message here today is to live your life fully and completely on a daily basis. Love and cherish those around you each day as if you may never see them again. And remember that when you’re lying on your deathbed, you won’t be regretting that you didn’t spend more time in the office…you’ll likely be regretting not spending more time with those you love or not following your dreams. Find a way to make them happen.

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The first step is to believe in yourself.

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Blessings and light!

"I release the burdens that I carry for other people; so they may grow and learn their own life lessons."

I release the burdens that I carry for other people; so they may grow and learn their own life lessons.

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There is an old saying that God never gives us more than we can carry. There is also another saying that speaks to “biting off more than we can chew.” We are each given divine free will and it’s that free will that often gets us in trouble. God has promised us strength to carry our own burdens, but often times we take on the burdens of others under the guise of “helping them out” or because we basically feel sorry for them and do it out of guilt. When we take on other people’s problems, we sometimes lose the ability to carry our own because the weight is too much.  Our own challenges or burdens hold important life lessons for us and if we fail, then we usually fail to learn the lesson.

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There are times when we should be truly a Good Samaritan and help those who are in need. There are also very powerful life lessons we can learn from those experiences; however, there are many other times when we need to step away and let others learn to care for themselves. I’ve learned this lesson harshly in my own life and I’ve had to step back from taking care of people who refuse to take responsibility for themselves or their own actions.

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These may sound like common sense, but here are a few things that are worth considering with certain relationships in your life:

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1. Never loan anyone money unless you can afford to lose it. If you decide to loan it, consider it a gift and let it go. If it comes back to you, then it’s a blessing. And quite frankly, some people need to learn to manage money. Saying “No” might just create the right situation for them to learn that lesson.
2. Certainly, this is only reserved for those who abuse your relationship, but learn to say “No” when committing to a favor may cause unnecessary hardship for yourself. This is especially true for those people in our lives who constantly ask us to pick up their dry cleaning, or something they forgot at the market, or anything else that is a constant annoyance for you. Why should your pain be any less important than the pain of the person asking the favor? If they forgot their dry cleaning, let them do without. They probably won’t forget it again if it was important enough in the first place. Create the right balance in your life and perhaps by saying “No” to someone who constantly abuses you to run their errands or do their chores will teach them time management and organizational skills.
3. If a person in your life is constantly sending out negative energy by whining and complaining about situations in their life, then perhaps it’s time you tell them to stop whining and do something about it. Being around a negative person siphons our energies and drains us emotionally, spiritually, and physically. You might want to tell them that you’re tired of them dragging you down. Misery loves company, but we are free to say “NO!” to the invitation to join them. I know people who can walk into a room full of people and make everyone else uncomfortable or depressed without saying a word. Avoid them and keep your positive energy flowing…and in some situations, it may be necessary to end a friendship because it is simply too unhealthy.

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Now, there are times we’re dealt situations such as a sick relative in which we become a primary caregiver or a decision maker for someone who is incapacitated and unable to care for him or her self…and this type of scenario is a different matter altogether. Many times, these are life lessons that build incredibly positive karma for us when we have to put our own needs and desires aside to care for these folks. And it’s in these situations that we might feel cheated or even resentful towards the person or persons we have to care for…but I believe that we should look at it as a place of honor. God has trusted the lives of these friends or family members to us and it’s a position of reverence. Even the Bible says that there is no greater love than that of someone who would lay down his life for a friend. Taking that a step further…subordinating our own desires and putting our life on hold to care for another who is truly in need is nothing short of saint-like as long as we do it with a positive attitude and a loving heart.

 

May this blog find you happy, healthy, and blessed!

Ray

"I celebrate the accomplishments of others to motivate me toward my own success."

I celebrate the accomplishments of others to motivate me toward my own success.

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I'm semi-stealing this one today, although I did add to it and modified it for my own use.  I use it as a reminder to never be jealous of another person's success.  Instead, let their good fortune motivate you to strive for your own.

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To be jealous of someone's accomplishments indicates that you believe in a world of "lack."  Subconsciously, you believe there is not enough wealth and success to go around and that if someone else "makes it," then there is somehow not enough left for you to share in the glory as well.  I believe in a universe filled with abundance.  If other people are able to "make it," then there is more than enough left for you to do so as well. 

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There is a subset of folks who just aren't happy with who they are or the gifts that they have been given.  Just remember, that if you wish you were Brad Pitt, then you're out of luck. Only Brad Pitt can be Brad Pitt.  You must be whoever you are and find your own destiny.  Not everyone is destined to be a famous movie star or pop singer either.  In some cases, we may want what we weren't destined to do.  If you want to be an actor, but have more talent on the business end, perhaps you're meant to be an agent or a producer.  I know that I was destined to be a singer/musician.  I accomplished that at an early age and I made a good living touring professionally from 1978 til 1986.  

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I found out very quickly to my surprise that I didn't enjoy the business.  It was ruthless and cutthroat...not knowing where my next gig was coming from was stressful and living out of a suitcase on the road was a nightmare.  And let's face it...in the late 70's and early 80's, coming out of the closet in that business was suicide.  I finally decided that a stable job and my personal happiness were more important.  I also realized that I could still be a musician/singer, but I didn't have to do it for a living.

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These days, I know that I can perform any time I want, but I am much happier working a real job with benefits; and performing because I love to perform and not because I'm desperate for money.  Not to mention that this stability has allowed me to be in a loving and caring personal relationship; something that was very difficult to achieve while traveling 300+ days a year.

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So I encourage you to spend time daily in meditation and prayer and learn to read the signs from spirit as to which direction you need to take.  Sometimes we get signs in dreams or little coincidences that occur during the day.  If something is meant to be, there will be an avenue opening up to allow it to transpire.  But, if road blocks and disappointment are constantly thrown in your way, perhaps spirit is trying to tell you that either now is not the time or that there are other opportunities in the cards for you.  Perhaps you need to spend more time in training or networking...or perhaps there is another life event on the horizon that needs focus at the current time.  Spirit always knows what's best for us.  Learn to trust it.

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Blessings and light!

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Ray