Thanksgiving already? Oh shit...

Two weeks before Thanksgiving...holy shiz on a shizzle!  I cannot believe how fast this year has gone and my mind is reeling trying to catch up.  I have to say that I'm looking forward to the holidays this year...James and I have created our own family traditions and we love it.  It makes us more of a family that way and we can incorporate things that we bring from our individual families into it and keep some of those traditions alive as well.  I have had trouble with holidays since my grandmother passed, but honestly...after finding my own spiritual practice again over the last couple of years, I realize that she's still with us in spirit.  And I can feel a new peace that wasn't there before over the deaths of friends and family members...yes, I can miss them.  But, I don't have to get mired down because I know I'll see them again.  Simplistic?  Maybe...but, it gets me through the day.

Update on the 50 for 50 campaign...8 pounds to go.  These last 8 pounds are moving really slow...with less than 3 weeks before my birthday, I have to kick this up a notch to make it.  But, honestly...I'm so happy to lose the first 42 that I'll forgive myself if I don't get all the way there.  I still have another 30 on top of that 50 I want to lose...so I'll keep pushing!!

Job is going amazingly well...in training this week for my CBAP (Certified Business Analyst Professional) certification exam.  Intense class but a lot of great information.

I've been going through old photos and posting them on Facebook over the last week.  I'll share a few here with you guys...hope you have a great week!

Ray

Living for the weekend...

Well, it's Friday morning and I'm looking forward to the weekend.  But, I've found after being in the workforce for nearly 30 years now that the week flies by and then the weekend blinks by in an instant.  It seems the older I get, the faster the days pass.  Turning 50 years old this year seriously reminds me of how rapidly time goes by.  I don't feel any older...I mean, yes I have a few more aches and pains than I used to but most of it I blame on my weight.  It's getting better as I am slimming down.

Speaking of which, I am hovering now around the 30 pound mark in my Fifty for Fifty campaign with slightly over two months to go.  I need to put this in high gear to meet my goal of hitting 250 pounds by the end of November.  I've been a little lazy lately, so I am trying to get back in the habit of moving my fat ass on a daily basis.  I hurt my ankle during aerobics a few weeks back and it still wants to swell up on me when I walk alot or try to be more active.  I bought an ankle brace which is helping, but I still haven't returned to my workout routine on a regular basis.  I've been focused mainly on my diet...which is going well, but it is not enough to meet my goal.

For those of you who don't know, James and I have added another set of little feet to pitter patter through our house.  We adopted a new chihuahua, Norbu, about 3 weeks ago.  Norbu is Tibetan for "precious gem."  He is a sweetheart who gets along with our Willow so well.  We are blessed to have him with us and I thank spirit for bringing him to our family.  Here's a picture of him in the Jeep with me on the way home when we first met him.

He was very nervous and skittish when we first got him.  For the first two days he was walking around our house with his tail between his legs because he was so scared.  The paperwork we got from the rescue center had notes from the vet who saw him when he first came to the pound back in January.  He was difficult to examine at that time because he would scream and yelp when people would try to touch him or pick him up.  He also tried to bite people out of fear.  He's definitely come a long way though at times he goes back in to fear mode with us.  But, we just show him as much love as we can and he's making progress each and every day.

Last Sunday, we joined James' sister and mother for his niece's 5th birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese.  It was actually a lot of fun even though I was getting over being sick and James was just getting sick.  We stayed for an hour or so, but it was honestly great to see his side of the family.  We haven't really spent much time with them since last Christmas which is sad since we only live about 6 miles away from them.

I was hoping to audition for a children's show at RSP a couple of weeks ago, but it just wasn't to be in the cards.  I have so much going on right now and am hoping to plan a trip to North Carolina for a couple of weeks in the fall, it just was not a good time.  I don't know if and when I'll be ready to go back to do a show.  I hope that it happens at some point, but I do miss performing.  I have been playing piano a lot more at the house and I'm trying to vocalize on a daily basis, but it's not the same as being in front of an audience.
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I've spent a great deal of time following news stories regarding the Prop 8 trial.  I was ecstatic that it was ruled unconstitutional back in August; but disappointed that the 9th Circuit court allowed a stay of the ruling until they can hear arguments in December.  I'm seriously trying to stay out of the politics of it, but I'm getting so tired of trying to be "tolerant" of people who are against my marriage when the truth of the matter is that even civil unions are not safe for us.  They could easily be overturned with a majority vote just as our right to marriage was.  We are expected to be happy for any crumbs that the majority throw to us...at some point, we have to have a court determine what our rights are under the constitution.  Otherwise, we will be at the mercy of the political winds forever.  

It really sucks that the United States is so far behind the curve on this issue.  I'm beginning to believe that its promise of freedom and equality for all is a bunch of bullshit...pardon my french.  James and I have seriously discussed leaving the country if Prop 8 is upheld by the US Supreme Court.  If this is what being an American is about...having your liberty be at the mercy of right wing nut jobs like Maggie Gallagher...then maybe I don't need to be here any longer.  I'll give my loyalty and tax dollars to a country that does support me.  Democrats (including Obama) have already lost my loyalty because they throw us scraps like hospital visitation rights through executive order which will probably be shot down with the next administration.  Plus, they really don't want to give us anything concrete because if and when we do get full constitutional rights, we'll not be locked into voting Democrat any longer.

Sorry for waxing political...it's been on my mind lately.  I'm following it closely which tends to drive my blood pressure higher...and I get chastised for referring to prop 8 supporters as bigots.  I don't apologize for it any longer.  I'm tired of being defensive about it...I'm going offensive.  And that means I'm going to offend a lot of folks!

Prayers of peace and blessings upon each of you!

Ray

This came to me in meditation last night...

I have friends who are white, friends who are black, and friends every shade in between. I have friends who are Muslim, Christian, Jewish, Hindu, Wiccan, or Buddhist, and some who are atheists. I have friends who are straight and some who are gay, bisexual or transgendered. Some Democrats, Republicans, liberals and conservative or libertarian...and even some with no political leanings at all. 

 But ...the most important thing is that they are my friends.

 I couldn't post the whole thing on my Facebook because it was too long.  I just liked it, so I wanted to put it here!

Blessings to you all!

GOOD MORNING!

I cannot believe that we are in the month of August already.  I'm already thinking about Christmas shopping just to get it over with.  I am not sure if we will have my mom here for the holidays this year and that will be hard since we also just lost Momma Brisbane.  It's going to be a difficult holiday without them, but it is my favorite time of year.  We'll work a bit harder this year to make it festive; yet still take a few moments to remember some wonderful times with loved ones who have passed on.

My 50 for 50 campaign has been going well!  My latest doctor's appointment was effing fantastic!  He told me I had lost a total of 32 pounds since my previous visit in May.  My A1C and cholesterol were amazing low and I've gone from three pills a day to one for my diabetes.  My blood pressure is still a bit high, but everything is going along really well.  I'm very happy and thankful for the process I've made.

I've been going through a difficult time emotionally...and honestly, a great deal of it is because I've been negligent with my spiritual practice.  I have been so busy with dieting, exercise, working full time at Teleplan, and also working part time in real estate that I haven't taken time to meditate or use self-hypnosis for the past few weeks.  Not to mention dealing with the loss of Quanna's mom and James losing his job; and honestly, I've been really emotional over the prop 8 trial and the legal wrangling going on.  It's been a lot of tension and I know that I would've dealt with it much better if I would take the time to meditate and pray on a daily basis.  Trying to get back to it and I feel a sense of relief already.

James and I are going through a period of more open communication...it seems we spend more time talking and sharing feelings these days.  I'm really enjoying it and I feel a renewed closeness with him.  I am just thankful that he has started to process some emotions since his father died.  He's been going through such a difficult time...much more than I realized since he has a tendency to be very Vulcan-like with his emotions.  I've feel blessed having him share and open up so much more lately.

We are dog-sitting this week for Anne-Marie Trout's dog, Greetli; as well as Julie Betschart's dog, Sylvia.  So, we have three hyperactive dogs in our house right now!  I've loved it, but I can tell James is getting annoyed.  Greetli goes home this evening, but Sylvia will be with us until Sunday.  They are very loving, but Willow (our dog) has decided that she is above the two of them, so she avoids them at all cost.  She will climb up on the back of the recliner and look down on them OR she'll run and hide in the master bedroom under the bed to get away from them.  I can tell that she will be happy when they leave.

I'm sharing this with you guys because I feel the urge to perform...I was (and still am) working on a web series, but it got put on the back burner when James got hurt at work a few months back.  The plan was to film and edit it while he was work in the evenings...but since he's mostly been home since March, it put a major kink in that plan.  Anne-Marie Trout and I are still developing the concept, but it's just not a priority right now.  SOOOOO...I've decided to try auditioning for a children's show at Runaway Stage Productions in a few weeks on September 7th.  They are doing Sleeping Beauty and I have played the part of the King in that production before.  Anne-Marie is auditioning with me and the rehearsal schedule is fairly light.  Only 2 evenings a week from 5:30 to 7pm.  This is the plan right now...but, I also still have some hesitation but ONLY because of my diet and exercise program.  I do not want to do anything that will interfere with that progress.  I still have 18 pounds to go...preferably 28 pounds to go.  And that has to be my most important goal right now.

I hope that you are all blessed and happy...

Is this weather interesting or what?

Hello everyone...

I have been extremely happy with the weather in Sacramento this year.  It's been a very mild summer to date...only a few days near or over the 100 degree mark.  But a few more days in the mid-80's or even upper 70's since the first day of summer rolled around a few weeks ago.  The mornings and evenings are nice and cool and the temperature difference between the high and the low for any particular day can be as much as 45 degrees or so.  That's freaking awesome!

I have an update for my 'Fifty for Fifty' campaign...I have hit the 20 pound mark as of this past Monday.  I haven't broadcast it too much because my weight is still fluctuating.  I'm doing well and I'm keeping my workouts going, but the diet has not been as rigid as when I first started.  Especially since we lost Dorothy Brisbane last week to cancer...I've not been as focused as I was.  But, I do know that I will get back on track in the next week or two, so I haven't worried about it too much.

The most positive news out of this diet and exercise program is that my blood glucose level has been WELL within normal each and every day for the entire month of July.  The highest my sugars have been was 147...and that was about 2 hours after eating a pasta dinner.  My average fasting sugar level is 102...it's been amazing!  I had blood work two weeks ago and my A1C level has dropped to 6.6.  It has gone from well over 11 to 6.6 in the last 7 months.  I have a follow up appointment with my doctor on August 4th to discuss taking me off one of my diabetes medications.  I am currently on one Januvia and Metformin per day.  We may take me off of Januvia all together.  We'll see how it goes, but I'm very happy that my glucose levels have stabilized so much.

My blood pressure has also dropped dramatically...in fact, it's dropped so much that I have had to come off one of the medications because I was getting dizzy.

I've picked up the weights again as well.  I'm trying to get my muscle tone back and I've been doing really well with my aerobics six days per week.  I have very few doubts that I will meet my goal of 250 pounds by November 30th.  I'm currently hovering at 280 lbs.

Have a blessed day and keep me in your thoughts and prayers!

Ugh...I'm stuck!

Hi, folks...

I have been doing my 50 for 50 campaign religiously since June 1st.  Today is the 30th and although it's been going well, I'm stuck.  I lost 13 pounds and I'm sitting at 287 pounds with a 44 1/2 inch waist.  Yes, there's been progress, but I was hoping for more.

Don't get me wrong...I'm not giving up.  But, I was hoping for more along the lines of 18 or 20 pounds dropped after the first month.  But, it's all good.

The most important part of this challenge is that I have firmly taken control of my diabetes.  My blood sugars have been well within my target range of 90 to 127 for the last three weeks.  I have had no spikes at all...even after eating or having a beer.  The change has been amazing and I'm extremely proud and thankful for that outcome.  

My blood pressure has been too low on several occasions and I've had to scale back on one of my blood pressure medications.  By the end of July, I hope to be off of it all together.  My goal is to be off all medications by the end of November.

So, I've kicked this thing into high gear as we go into the month of July.  I attempted to use the DVD workout system called P90X.  If you haven't seen the infomercial, check it out at www.beachbody.com/p90x.  It was a disaster!  Way out of my league right now.  So, I toned it down a notch until I work my way up to that system.  P90X had a predecessor called Power 90.  I did this workout for 60 days a few years ago and it made a remarkable difference...so, I pulled the DVDs out and have started again.  I'm going to commit to the 90 days on that program starting on July 1st and see how far it takes me.

The diet is going very well...I'm maintaining the routine pretty well.  It's just time to kick it up a notch!  BAM!!

Thank you to everyone who has encouraged me on this trip!  I'm feeling really good about the results of the first 30 days!

Ray

Fifty for Fifty - Results of Week Two

Good morning!

Sorry for the delay in posting last weeks results.  The weekend was exceptionally busy with hectic events I'll explain during this post.

First, let's get to the results.  Drum roll please!!!!

Weight:  290 pounds

Waist:  45 1/2 inches

So, the diet itself is going really well and my progress is slow but sure.  I have had some medical concerns that have surprised me.

My blood pressure over this past weekend dropped dramatically.  At one point, it got down to 91/70 and I have been cuddling under a blanket every night to keep warm.  I am going to see my doctor today to talk about modifying my blood pressure medications.  I cut one of my pills in half...the prescription metoprolol.  It seems to be helping and the lowest my pressure has dropped since has been 112/77.

My blood sugar levels have also been exceptionally stable and within my target range on a daily basis.  I'm doing aerobic exercises six days a week and I've found that my fasting blood sugar level is always around 120.  Still a bit on the high side but, well within my target range.  I would feel better getting that number down to the 90's.

On Friday evening, I had a total of 4 beers over the course of the night.  Before going to bed, I checked my blood sugar to see how it responded to the alcohol and the carbs.  The reading was 110...totally amazing!  I did do some research on my blood sugar and how it is impacted by certain medications.  I found that metoprolol, which is my secondary blood pressure med, can contribute to high blood sugar levels.  That's a discussion I'm having with my doctor today as well.  I have even read stories of folks who never had high blood sugar until they went on metoprolol.  I never had high blood sugar until I went on metoprolol.  This will be an interesting discussion today.

I have continued drinking a lot of water on a daily basis...at least eight 8-ounce glasses per day.  As I reported last week, my skin feels much better.  I think I've flushed a lot of the toxins out because the headaches I had for the first few days are gone now.  According to my calculations, I burned nearly 9,000 more calories than I took in last week.  Obviously, those calculations are a bit off because in order to lose five pounds, I would've had to burn 17,500 calories more than I consumed.  I think I'm underestimating how much I'm burning in my aerobic workouts.  Counting the calories I eat seems to be much easier, so I think those numbers are pretty much on target.

I'll keep you all posted on the results for week 3!

Now for the other news...I spent Saturday driving back and forth to the hospital in Roseville to  pick up family members to visit Quanna's mom.  Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers...this fight with cancer has taken a toll and at this point, it's just a matter of time.  It's a very difficult thing for any family to deal with watching their mother suffer so much.  Say a prayer for them if you would.  Thanks!

Also, today begins the closing arguments for the federal trial to overturn Proposition 8.  Please say a prayer that this will be the end of that hateful and bigoted law.  The sponsors of prop 8 have now asked the judge to invalidate the 18,000 marriages that took place prior to its passage in 2008.  So, now James and I will be forced to sit in front of a news report once again to see if our marriage is being annulled without our consent.  These people have no compassion for anyone outside of their belief system...Hitler would be so proud.  If the courts in this country won't protect the hated minority from the tyranny of the self-righteous majority, then maybe it's time for a mass exodus of gay people to countries that do support us.  I guarantee you if my marriage is annulled, I will be looking to leave.

Blessings to you all!

First week is over...how much did I lose?

Well, the first week of this new diet is over...and I'm feeling much better.  Here are some interesting things that I've noted:

First of all, I drank more water in the last week than I have in the entire previous year.  I have noticed a huge difference in my skin.  The dry areas around the 'mask' area of my face are much much less severe and I hardly notice the redness that used to be there most of the time.  A HUGE bonus from this.

I have lost a total of 5 pounds...which is pretty typical of my first phases of dieting.  I'll probably lose another 10 or 15 very quickly and then hit the plateau where it becomes harder to lose.  I'm prepared for that this time around.

I have documented every bite of food that I've even over the last week.  I took in approximately 5,000 calories less than I burned between Tuesday and Friday...so, the 5 pounds is a little surprising for me.  I expected about 2 to 3 pounds but I'm probably flushing a lot of toxins out of my body with the water right now.
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I also had a few headaches as I transitioned off of Diet Coke.  I'm limiting myself to 2 per day at the moment...so I figured I would have some issues with caffeine withdrawals.  But for the most part, my energy level has been much higher.

Not a lot of changes in blood sugar or blood pressure that I've noticed yet.  It seems they are fluctuating all over the place right now...but I will wait until I get about 10 to 15 more pounds off before I expect to see any significant change in either of those numbers.

I also took the dreaded "before" photos last week.  I'll have those posted shortly and will also be doing a video blog this week.

I've had an immense amount of support from folks on Facebook and Twitter as well as from the Lisa Williams family members!  Thank you all!

Results from Day One

Good morning!

Well, I got through the first day relatively unscathed.  First the stats:

Calories consumed:  1823

Estimated burned:  3052

Fasting glucose level:  126

Blood pressure:  133/98

My diet was very good yesterday.  Breakfast was a whole grain english muffin with a pattie of lean sausage and a slice of cheddar cheese.  Mid-morning snack was an apple.  Lunch was whole-wheat pasta with meat sauce, afternoon snack was a banana...and dinner was 2 cups of steamed vegetables.  I tried to keep the bulk of my calories consumed during the breakfast and lunch meals.

I also had 2 diet cokes and nine 8-ounce glasses of water.  I have to admit something here...I hate water.  But, it felt good drinking it yesterday.  I actually had a headache most of the day, but a friend told me it was because the water was flushing toxins from my cells and the headache would go away once the body had eliminated the toxins from my system.  She must have been right, because the headache is gone today.

I got in a 45-minute workout last night on the Wii with 340 estimated calories burned.  I'm doing the Wii workout right now because it is easy on my knees.  Once I drop the first 20-25 pounds, I hope that I can amp it up a bit and do more high-impact aerobics.  I have the original Power 90 workout system and I would like to give that a try again.  I have several friends doing the P90X system now, but I'm not going to jump on that bandwagon just yet.

This morning, I had bit of a shock when my fasting glucose level shot up to 146.  It was strange because before I went to bed last night, it was only 101.  Perhaps I need to re-code my machine.  My blood pressure dropped a bit this morning down to 128/86.  I took both of these measurements right after my morning shower.

I also meditated for 20 minutes before bed last night and I slept like a baby.  I'm still working on the hypnosis CD and should finish it by the weekend.

All in all, a great day yesterday.  Looking forward to today!

Fifty for Fifty - Day One

Well, it's officially begun as of this morning.  I kicked off this mad dash towards losing 50 pounds over the next 6 months.  I know it's a realistic goal and I believe I can do it if I keep my motivation and determination strong.  So, I'll be throwing information up here on this blog quite often to keep the wind at my back.

A lot of this work is really based on remedial math skills.  In order to lose one pound, I need to burn 3500 calories more than I consume.  So, I started with calculating my basal metabolic rate (BMR) to determine how many calories per day I need to maintain my current weight.  Now, depending on which calculator I use that number has been calculated anywhere between 2550 calories and 3200 calories using my height of 6'4", weight of 300 pounds, and age of 49 years old...and also indicating a sedentary lifestyle in the calculator.  Most of the calculators I've found online resulted in a BMR between 2800 and 3000 calories per day, so I'm using 2800 as my baseline amount.

Without any exercise at all, I burn 19,600 calories per week based on a BMR of 2800.  Therefore, I must consume no more than 10,850 calories per week to lose 2.5 pounds (19,600 - (2.5 lbs * 3500)).  That equates to a 1250 caloric difference less per day that I consume versus what I burn. You get the picture, I'm sure.

So, this is the basic premise for my diet.  I must document each and every food or beverage item (other than water or diet soda) that I consume on a daily basis and calculate the calories in each item.  Then I have to calculate my estimated calories burned and ensure that my net caloric intake per day is at least 1250 under my estimated calories burned.
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If you watched my video blog in my previous post, then you know that yesterday I posted my weight as 298 pounds.  When I weighed in this morning, it was 300 pounds even and my waist was measured at 47 inches.  My fasting blood sugar this morning was 126 and blood pressure was 133/98.  These are the numbers I'll be tracking as I go down this road.

My target weight loss per month is 8-10 pounds...and I assume that my blood pressure and glucose levels will fall in response to that weight loss.  I have to track these measurements closely because being on medication for both type II diabetes and high blood pressure, there is a chance those levels could fall too much and my meds will have to be adjusted accordingly.

I had blood work done a couple of months ago.  Those measurements were:

Fasting blood sugar - 156 (down from 213 in October of 2009)

A1C - 7.2 (down from 11.4 in October of 2009)

Cholesterol - 132 (down from 250 in October of 2009)

I'm due for more blood work this month, so I'll post those as soon as I get them back.  As I said in my video, I'm going to be using hypnosis as a tool in this fight as well.  I'm putting together a CD to listen to every day.  I'll share that with you guys once it's complete.

Ultimately, I hope that documenting this fight thoroughly in this blog will help others who may be considering a similar effort.  If you want more information on anything that I'm doing, feel free to drop me a line and I'll answer any questions you may have.

Blessings to each of you!

Ray

Fifty for Fifty

Count down...

June 1st...yes, I am making plans to start my '50 for 50' campaign on that date.  The goal is 50 pounds to drop before my 50th birthday on November 30th.  I will be posting weekly updates as well as occasional video blogs to show before and after photos.  I'm ready for this...I'm tired of being on meds to control blood pressure and sugar levels.  I have a lot of motivation...I just need to keep it going.

I have fallen in serious like with the guys over at Film Riot.  These guys have a hilarious web series focusing on tips for filmmakers on a budget.  They are celebrating their 1-year anniversary and I filmed a 20-second video to help them celebrate.  I'll be submitting it this evening.

On May 1st, a very dear friend of mine was killed in a car accident near Centre, Alabama.  Kenneth Wayne Pittman was an amazingly funny person...and I have many fond memories of our time in Atlanta.  We hadn't spoken in over 10 years, but I was looking forward to finally reuniting on an Atlanta trip later this year.  Guess I'll have to wait a little longer to reunite.  Although he had given it up over the past few years, we all knew Kenny as Kathleen...he was a drag queen on Atlanta's bar scene during the 1980's.  He was always friendly, caring, and amazingly protective of his friends.  As a young man coming out during those years, he took me under his wing and helped me find my place in the gay community...and I will always remember him as Kathleen.  Rest in peace, K.  I will miss you terribly!

Rodney Webster, Kenny (Kathleen) Pittman, and me on New Year's Eve 1986.

Blessings to you all!

Fat homo...

My name is Ray Fisher...and I'm a fat homo.

It's totally true.  I need to lose a minimum of 50 pounds...preferably a bit more than that.  I have dropped 18 pounds since November 1st and have managed to get my A1C down from 11.4 to 7.2 in that time...and my cholesterol has dropped from nearly 250 down to 134.  I've completely changed my diet to incorporate more fiber...completely shut out processed sugars...and avoid simple carbs.  About the only thing I haven't cut out is beer...and that's only on Friday or Saturday night.  It's paid off, but I can't seem to get below 290 pounds to save my life.  Don't get me wrong...my diet is still far from perfect.  I tend to overeat and I do splurge on occasion, but I have at least cut out most of the "bad" stuff.

So, it's time.  I have to push myself and get this weight off of me...and the goal is before my birthday in November.  That gives me 6 1/2 months to lose 50 pounds.  And you're gonna watch me...I'm calling it my "50 before 50" campaign in honor of my 50th birthday this year.  I'm putting together a plan that includes modifying my diet even more, increasing my activity level, hypnotherapy, caloric intake tracking...and probably most importantly, I'll be documenting it all - succeed or fail - on video for the world to see.  This should motivate me even more to succeed.

I'll be going in to my doctor's office next week for more blood work and meeting with a dietician as well.  And then I'll have a formal kickoff on YouTube with a link to this blog.  PLEASE come along for the ride and offer your support.  I really need to get my ass in gear for this.  My quality of life literally depends on it.

Blessings to you all!!

The next "drag superstar?"

Sorry...major spoiler alert ahead for those who have not seen the season two finale of Rupaul's Drag Race. 

The next drag superstar is...

Tyra Sanchez?

WTF you say?

Yes, my response exactly.  And here's why.

There is absolutely no doubt that Tyra brought a sense of style to the show.  She was beautiful and poised and had an amazing ability to accessorize.  She started the season with total bitchiness...which I absolutely abhorred.  But, she grew on me over the last couple of episodes as the layers were peeled back.  Understanding some of her background and the events in her life that brought her to this place made her human.  I can honestly say that I liked the change and I can understand the desire for a young father to make a better life for his young son.

But that's where it ends for me.

I would assume the next "drag superstar" would at least be able to entertain.  I've spent a lot of time in drag bars in my youth and the best drag queens were true entertainers.  I lived in Atlanta from late 1979 until late 1988 and I met RuPaul on a couple of occasions at Weekends Warehouse.  I hung out at clubs called Illusions and 551 Downstairs and The Cove and Backstreet...and I saw hundreds of WONDERFUL drag shows there with queens like Charlie Brown, Tiffany Middlesexx, Amber Richards, Lilly White, and countless others.  They could work a crowd and be a comedian, a dancer, a singer, an actor, or whatever the situation called for...RuPaul is that kind of entertainer.

Tyra has none of these abilities.  Just look at any one of the episodes that required any talent other than looking pretty.

Look at the celebrity impersonation episode...her Beyonce was BORING as hell.  No charisma.  No uniqueness.  No nerve.  No talent.  Just a superficial illusion that slightly resembled Beyonce.  Pandora and Tatianna stole the show.

Her lack of talent showed again during the rocker chick episode.  She was not just a bad singer, but a horrible entertainer and she tried again for that Beyonce look that flopped the first time.  Raven, Pandora and Tatianna again performed rings around her.

Look at the book interview episode.  Raven kicked ass in that episode.

And I'm sorry, but Pandora was robbed on the drag mother episode.

Take all of Tyra's shortcomings and add her personality (or lack thereof) and minimal oral communication skills and you have nothing on which to base RuPaul's final decision...other than a lipsynch performance that Tyra pulled out of her butt on the last episode.

Yes, a lot of these skills can be coached...but many of the other girls had these abilities.  Pandora, Jujubee, Raven...they all displayed these abilities in abundance.  Their personal fashion sense held them back compared to Tyra, but it seems to me that fashion sense would be a lot easier to coach than the other traits.

Tyra may have been beautiful on the runway and she certainly gave great face...and hair, and gowns, and body.  But she opened her mouth and it all disappeared.  She flopped in every single challenge where she needed to show any talent, sophistication, or basic speaking ability.

I'm just saying. 

This choice relegates the next drag superstar to lipsynching and looking pretty...at least until she gets some experience, maturity and training under her belt.

I wish her nothing but the best...I do have a new-found respect for her as a person, but not much as an entertainer.

Do you agree with me?  Why or why not?

Sunday in the valley...

BEAUTIFUL weather in Sacramento this weekend.  I am spending this morning looking out my front window at some purple roses growing in my front yard.  They have bloomed beautifully and smell sweet this morning.  My grandmother loved roses...they make me think of her and of how much I miss her since she crossed over 6 years ago this June.  

Two nights ago, I had a long conversation in my sleep with my great aunt Margie.  She reminded me that it has been 20 years this month since she passed away...and she also reminded me of a poem she wrote when I was in my teens.  I put music to it for her over 30 years ago.  She even sang a bit of it for me...it was titled "Stand Me Still" and I haven't thought of it in years.  I have no idea if I have a copy of it or if a copy of it still exists anywhere other than in my mind.  I need to find it...I don't remember many of the words at all.  She sang two lines of it in my dream and that's all I can recall of it.  I'm going to try to jog my memory using some self-hypnosis sessions over the next few days.

I'm also saying goodbye to a dear friend who is about to pass away from cancer.  It's been a tough road for her and she knows that her time here is coming to an end.  This past week has been hard for those of us who love her...but I'm also overjoyed that I have had the opportunity to know her for so many years.  I feel the same about everyone I've known and lost over the course of my lifetime.  God has blessed me in so many ways; and knowing these people has made me a better person.

So, sitting here with my dog, Willow, cuddled next to me on the couch and listening to the sounds of the world outside today...all the while thinking of how blessed I have been to have so many incredible friends and loved ones.  What more is there to want in life?

Not a sad blog today at all...this blog is a celebration of my blessings.  What do you have to be thankful for?  Counting your blessings is a great way to remember just how much we have to be grateful to God for giving us.

Blessings to you on this beautiful day!!

Funny stuff for Friday afternoon...

I ran across this several years ago online, but just saw it again and had to post it...

Dear Reverend:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine believes this only applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own a Canadian?

Conversely, can I be sold into slavery in Mexico or Canada?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

Eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, but a friend of mine feels that it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan...

Melancholy Sunday

Couch potato Sunday...that's what today is.  I was watching TV for a while...a BBC America broadcast about the Beatles and let's just say that those boys sure got around.

I turned everything off about an hour ago and have been sitting here on the computer for the last 15 minutes or so.  Looked up some YouTube videos and found some funny stuff.  I recently ran across Film Riot...look them up on YouTube.  They have some hysterical skits over there.  But, I was also looking up one of my former employers, Rex Nelon.  Found a lot of videos of their performances over the years.  Great to see some old familiar faces, but nostalgia swiftly turned to melancholy.  Rex passed away about 10 years ago and his daughter, Kelly, has kept the group going.  She's the only one remaining that I know.  They were recently in the area up at a church in Yuba City and I seriously contemplated going, but didn't get the nerve up to go.  A lot of water has passed under that bridge...I also spoke to my mom last night and some old acquaintances are performing at my home church today.  Really makes me miss my touring days and some dear old friends.  It's just different now.

When I left Rex in 1985, I didn't look back.  The truth is...I was fired from Rex's band because he found out that I had been visiting gay bars.  It was an ugly and difficult time for me, but he was very gracious about it.  And it forced me to confront the truth about myself, so it is all good.  God has certainly bless me over the years and I found another outlet to perform in theater for a while.  But, it seems that my life has taken a new turn lately (the past three years) in that I just seem to be focusing on financial issues and trying to plan for my retirement.  James and I are trying to take steps now to secure our financial future...more planning and budgeting...but I am seriously coming down with a case of theater withdrawals.  More than anything, I need some kind of creative outlet.

Speaking of which, the webseries is in progress.  It's been delayed a bit, but I haven't stopped writing episodes or music for it.  So, stay tuned.  The editing is the hard part since I'm playing 4 different roles.

I realize I'm not saying anything specific in this post...I just had the urge to write some stuff down.  My job is going very well...the real estate side gig is a little slow at the moment.  I'm hoping that picks up soon.

My BFF Anne-Marie Trout has adopted a new puppy and as soon as she recovers from being spayed, I am taking Willow over for a play date.

I also decided to try and fix some broken springs on my couch.  It actually worked pretty well, but my hands are all scratched up from the sharp metal where the springs had broken.  I fixed a couple of them, but I need to finish it up.

If you're not a fan, then you won't understand why I'm so unhappy with RuPaul's Drag Race.  My favorite queen, Pandora Boxx, was eliminated two episodes ago.  The remaining three, (Juju, Tyra and Raven) have one more episode to go.  Of those, Juju is my favorite.  Raven would be my second choice.  And Tyra just has much too bitchy a personality.  Pandora was the most talented of all of the queens this year.  She was very funny and seemed to have a lot more to offer than being a lip-synch artist.  Guess RuPaul was going for something else.

Okay...yes, a very boring post today, but it feels good to write again.  Need to find more time for it.  Any way...have a great day!!  Blessings and light to you all!

Ray

April showers bring May allergies...

Or something to that effect...I'm loving the on and off rain we're having this year.  It's making for an incredibly green spring, but we're also having high pollen counts here in the valley.  My allergies are kicking my butt!  But, I think it's worth it this year.

Life has been good, but full of challenges the past month.  First of all, I must share a little Ode to Odie.  On March 11th, James and I had to take our little guy into the vet due to respiratory distress.  There was nothing left we could do, so I stayed and held him while the vet put him down.  It broke my heart and still brings tears to my eyes when I think about it.  It was almost two years to the day after we had to do the same thing to our Lucy.  But, he's been to visit me a couple of times over the last few weeks.  I know it was the right thing and I'm glad he's not suffering any longer.

So, I also know that I'm late updating you guys on our web series.  I've been waiting on my partner in crime, Anne-Marie Trout, to finish up a couple of shows.  Well, she closed last weekend so things are starting up again.  I uploaded a song I may use in the project to YouTube last night.  I'm including the link here...but I wrote the song originally about 8 years ago for a musical I was working on.  It was for a character who was a very strict evangelical father to sing after he had driven his entire family away.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TsZ2L6Xkd7o

Take a gander if you'd like...would love to get some feedback from people on it.  Especially if you know anything about arranging, or mixing/equalization.  I'm making a lot of this stuff up as I go!

Hope you have a blessed day!!

March Madness!

Wow...it's been a big ole pile of hectic, crazy, madness around the Brave-Fisher household the last couple of months.  I don't even know where to start.

I guess the biggest thing is that James' dad, Brad, passed away three weeks ago.  James is very close to his dad and this has been a difficult time for him.  We really appreciate your thoughts and prayers for him and his family.  It's been even more difficult because James is on workmans' comp from his job and hasn't worked in 2 weeks now.  He has a work-related injury to his arm and we're waiting for the doctor to clear him to go back.  So, he's been stuck at home alone with no normal routine to take his mind off things.

I went away on business to Reynosa, Mexico and Dallas, Texas for a week.  My boss and I were traveling together and it was a great trip; but, the timing was bad as it was the week after James' father passed.  It was unusual to have to get a work permit across the Mexican border to attend business meetings there...but I have to admit:  My boss is fun to travel with.  We had some great dinners and shared a lot of beers together.  Fun times!

Great doctor's visit in mid-February.  My blood work came back and my diabetes is well under control.  My A1C was 7.3 which is almost normal...it's down from 11.8 back in October.  My cholesterol was also way down from 254 to 132.  The only bad thing was my blood pressure was up...though, I was feeling pretty crappy that day.  But overall, everything was very positive on that visit.

James gave me a Wii for Christmas and I have been addicted ever since.  I play Wii tennis everyday for at least an hour.  It gets me off the couch and moving which has helped me lose 18 pounds.  I need some new games, so please let me know if you have one to recommend that you think I might enjoy.

I think I have found a new church to attend.  You folks who know me understand how important my spiritual development has become over the past few years.  Though I was raised Christian, my beliefs have evolved over the years dramatically...and I'm hoping this church in Auburn will help me find the path I'm looking for.  I think it has...my weekend in Santa Monica last October has given me a new outlook and I've met quite a few new friends with similar beliefs.

Of course, it seems everyone keeps pushing me to get back to my Christian upbringing.  Sorry, folks...though I respect everyone's beliefs, I just do not believe the Bible is the word of God.  It may have been inspired by God, but it's been basterdized over the years by pious hypocrites seeking to use it to usurp power and control over peoples' lives; and the message has been polluted by political and religious dogma that has nothing to do with God.  I don't believe in hell, but if I did...I'm certain that "Christians" like Jerry Falwell, Maggie Gallagher, and Fred Phelps will be burning in it for the pain and suffering they've caused millions of people.

So, I choose to believe that God loves us all and no one has a copyright on truth.  I don't have to look outside of myself to find God...God lives in my heart.  I don't have to look to a 2,000 year old book to find Him...because it was written by human beings no better or worse than me.  And I can have a connection just as meaningful and powerful as they had with the creator...I don't have to find a preacher or a guru who offers to be the connection to God for me and communicate to me what God's message is for my life.  I need a spiritual teacher who will help me make that connection on my own...totally eliminating the middle man and any translations that have to go through another human filter to get to me.  I know a lot of people will look at this and say it's a very egotistic viewpoint...I disagree.  It's an empowering belief...but still a humbling one to go directly before God and realize just how small I am in comparison; yet also how powerful because I am one of His children and therefore have a spark of the Divine in my heart.

After spending so many years in the Christian faith, I have simply found that most churches and preachers don't really know anything about God...they only know about telling others what to do.  It's all about power and money...and mostly about separation.  Separation from God because human beings are inherently sinful and therefore not even worthy of His love...and separation from others who don't believe the same because those people are evil and will not spend eternity in the kingdom.  None of it makes sense to me...especially that human beings can be condemned to burn for all eternity in hell for the sins of one lifetime by a loving and compassionate God?  No thanks...you can keep that belief.  It does not make sense to me.

I do believe in the divinity of Christ...though, I'm honestly not sure about this "dying for our sins" thing.  I have a hard time understanding why an all-knowing and all-powerful God requires a blood sacrifice for any reason.  In the old testament, He required an animal sacrifice...in the new testament, He required a human sacrifice.  It bugs me...along with a lot of other things I won't go into about the murder of children to free Israel from Egypt and when Joshua fought the battle at Jericho.  Oh...I guess I went into them.

See?  Religion does strange things to people...the worst thing I've found is how judgemental it makes us.  We constantly compare other people's actions and beliefs to our religious canon and make judgement calls on whether those people are worthy of our association or approval as a result.  Some religions even require that people who don't stand up to those comparisons be rejected, excommunicated, or even killed as a result.  That's a loving and compassionate religion for you!

I didn't mean to go on that tangent this morning.  Just something that's been on my mind lately...but it's too serious of a subject for a Friday!

James is heading out of town this weekend and I plan to spend some time with my dear friends, Andrea St. Clair and Jessica Larrick.  I'm cooking lasagna and having them over for drinks and movies on Saturday.

So, I'm sending lots of love and positive energies out to each of you today.  Remember that I love and appreciate each of you...without conditions or judgements.  Be blessed and be good to one another!

Lots of stuff happening...

Well, we're down to Mom and Aunt Sandra's last two days in California.  I'm taking Friday off to spend the day with them before they leave early on Saturday morning.  I have thoroughly enjoyed having them here, but I know they are ready to get back to North Carolina and see everyone there.  My cousin, Jeff, had a baby in December.  He's my Aunt Sandra's youngest child and this is his first baby, so she's dying to go home and get her "Grandma" on.  The baby's name is Camryn and she is gorgeous.

Baby Camryn Born 12/22/09

6 lbs. 14 oz. and 19 inches

Filming begins Saturday for my new web project.  I hope to have it edited and posted to YouTube by February 1st.  Watch this space for more info.  I've been recording music for it over the last week and the MP3's have been turning out fairly well.

Work has been busy the past two days with a huge project that is going live at the end of this month.  My real estate biz is moving right along as well.  Not a lot happening there, but I have changed brokers over the last month.  My new broker is Mark Henry at American Realty and Mortgage Corp in El Dorado Hills.  I'm also now able to off mortgage services as well as act as a realtor.  We offer both commercial and residential real estate services and I've also become a member of the national and local chapters of the Association of Realtors.

My friends, Dinesh and Karen Gonsalkorale, are coming to Sacramento on January 18th and I'm very excited to see them.  I will only get to see them during one evening, but I had hoped to follow them to Las Vegas that weekend.  Unfortunately, I just don't have the time or the money to do so right now.  So, I'll just have to enjoy my time with them while they're in town.

I've been following the federal challenge to prop 8 in the news.  It begins on January 11th and the judge in the case has said he will allow cameras in the courtroom and the video will be uploaded to YouTube.  I will probably be spending a lot of time viewing those files to see how that case is progressing.  It's going to be an interesting few weeks.  I found a great blog that posts up to date information about the case.  Check it out at http://prop8legalcommentary.blogspot.com/search/label/Perry%20et%20al%20v.%20Schwarzenegger%20et%20al. 

Hope your day is blessed!

Ray

Happy New Year!

Yes, it is 2010...how the hell did I live to be this old?  I'll never know!  HA!  So, this is the year we're supposed to make contact according to the Kubrick film.  I just hope it's a year I'll survive as I will turn 50 in November!  CRAP!

On a serious note, I had an incredible holiday this year.  Christmas and New Year's were extra special having my family with me.  It wasn't an overly commercialized year of buying extravagant gifts, but it was one filled a lot of love and laughter.  Just as they all should be.

So, here's my plans for 2010:

• Continue paying down debt and move into a "cash only" existence.  I'm tired of being in debt.  I no longer carry credit cards and will work to pay cash for any purchase that we make.  Part of this endeavor will be to build my real estate business and look for new promotional opportunities in my day job.
• Pray and meditate on a daily basis to continue my spiritual growth.  2009 was an intense year for me in that arena.
• Find a creative outlet to fit into my hectic schedule.  More to come on this in the next couple of weeks.  Filming begins this weekend on my new project.  The music was recorded over the holidays for the first 5 webisodes.
• Re-connect with friends and family.  I need to find more time to be social as I have lost touch with many friends since I gave up theater.  This is also due in part to the fact that many of my friends are constantly in rehearsals, so it's hard to mesh up with their schedule as well.  And honestly, I have accepted invites to parties and the like over the last year, but I tend to flake because I have so much on my plate and things pop up last minute.  So, if you're among those people I have flaked on, forgive me as I will try and be better about that in 2010.
• Finally but most importantly...I need to spend more time with my husband.  One of the reasons I gave up theater was because I wanted to put focus on my career and my relationship.  Now that James is working full time and working mostly nights and weekends, it is hard for us to find quality time. 

These are not necessarily resolutions for the New Year...but more like guidelines that have already been in place for some time.  I am just reminding myself of the path I put myself on and I need to stick to the plan to re-focus those efforts for the next year.

More info is forthcoming on my webseries in the next few weeks.  This is a joint writing effort between me and Anne-Marie Trout.  Hoping it will turn out well!  Stay tuned!

Much love to you all!

Ray