Holidays winding down...

It has been a busy busy couple of weeks.  I don't even know where to begin to give you an update.

First of all, Christmas was amazing.  I had most of last week off and spent it mostly doing last minute shopping and menu planning for Christmas dinner.  Mom, Sandra and I took last Wednesday and went to San Francisco to see a production of Riverdance at the Golden Gate Theater.  It was wonderful and I'm so thankful to my friend, Kim Negrete, for getting us tickets.  Mom and Sandra absolutely loved the show...as did I.  I have seen Riverdance three times before and I love the musicians and the singers as much as the dancers in the show.

Christmas day was busy starting at 7:30am to get the turkey cleaned and the stuffing made.  It went in the oven about 9am and everything was ready about 3pm.  We also had ham, homemade macaroni and cheese, collard greens, sweet potato biscuits, mashed potatoes and gravy (made from scratch), and homemade sweets made by James and his sister while the rest of us were at Riverdance on Wednesday.  It really was an almost perfect day.  The only disappointment was the absence of Quanna's parents...Momma Brisbane is back in chemo for her cancer treatments and was simply not able to be with us for Christmas day.  But, we did have Quanna, Justin, Mom, Aunt Sandra, Ranelle, Shenay, James, and his mom, sister, and niece.  Plenty of food and great fellowship was the order of the day.

James got me a Wii game system that I have become addicted to...especially the tennis game.  I got him a new netbook.  I also got a couple of BlueRay movies that I wanted:  Star Trek and Terminator: Salvation.  And a few Wii games as well.  My Aunt Sandra got me Ghost Whisperer Season 4.  All in all...an amazing Christmas this year.

I spent some time Christmas evening after everyone had left just meditating and remembering those people who are no longer with us at Christmas...my grandparents, my dad, my Aunt Margie, my best friend, Ron...so many wonderful memories that I carry in my heart and mind of Christmas with them through the years.  I know they were there in spirit...I felt their presence many times throughout the day on the 25th.  While prepping the turkey that morning, I suddenly had a picture of my grandmother in my head and I felt like there was a touch on the side of my cheek.  Little things such as this firmly root my belief that our friends and family never leave us...they are still around us and will be there to meet us when it's our time to cross over.

So, now my thoughts turn to 2010 and look forward to another amazing year of blessings.  Sending love and light to each and every one of you during this holiday season!

New adventures and a Happy Friday to ya!

I am happy that it's a Friday as I haven't been sleeping well the past few nights.  I seemed to have pulled something in my shoulder, so every time I move in my sleep it hurts.  One of the joys of nearing a half century old, I guess!  LOL!

My mother took a nasty fall at my house this past week.  She seemed to be okay, but a day or so later she started having a lot of pain in her right leg.  Of course, trying to see a doctor has been a challenge due to the flu season, but we have another appointment on Monday.  Until then, we're keeping her off her feet and using ice and heat.

I had my first meeting with a new real estate broker last night.  I am moving my license under his brokerage starting tomorrow.  He's training me to be a loan officer using my existing real estate license and I should be set up to start processing loans next week.  We begin training Saturday morning at 10am.  I'm really looking forward to it.  I mean, I love my day job...but doing this part time will help me become debt-free in the next couple of years and sock away a lot of money for retirement.  Hopefully, it will also help me stave off bankruptcy in the event of another layoff.  Three layoffs in the last five years have made me a bit paranoid.

Tonight, I am cooking dinner for the family and my dear friend, Anne-Marie Trout.  We're planning pot roast (by special request since I haven't made one in 10 years or so) followed by Ghost Whisperer and Muppet Christmas Carol.  Plus, my hubby has the night off as well.  I'm really looking forward to a relaxing evening surrounded by good food and family.

My friends at Runaway Stage Productions are in rehearsals for The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee which opens January 8th.  I don't know this show at all, but I hear it's hilarious!  Davis Musical Theater Company is rehearsing the outrageous musical comedy, The Producers.  It's quite the coup as they are the first community theater company to be doing this show in the Sacramento area.  They have a New Years' Eve gala for this event as well.  Should be a lot of fun.

My dear friends at Artistic Differences are closing 1940's Radio Hour this weekend, but I hear they are all sold out.  Congratulations to them on a successful run!

I feel way out of the loop on shows lately as I'm not involved in productions any longer.  It's not that I have no interest...it's simply a matter of time these days.  I haven't even sung on stage in 2 1/2 years now and I need to change that soon.  More information will be coming about my new web series in the new year, so watch this space!

We are almost done with Christmas shopping around our house.  Thank spirit for many blessings this year as we will have a wonderful holiday surrounded by great friends and family.  That's what Christmas is all about and I, for one, try to be thankful on a daily basis for all that I have.

Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year to all of you!

Old friends...

I was blessed yesterday to be reunited online with an old and dear friend.  I hadn't talked to her since 1987.  We caught up via email for the past couple of days and it's been great to share where my life path has gone and to see where hers has taken her.

Part of going back and talking to people from your past brings up not only good memories, but also the not-so-good.  I was a much different person in the mid-80's.  I was hiding in the closet...afraid to lose my job and my friends and my family if I came out.  I became self-destructive and did a lot of things that I'm not proud of...so, those memories have been flooding back as well.

Often I say to myself, "If I could go back and change certain things about my past, but still know what I know now...how would my life be different?"  Well, the answer is...I can't do it.  And let's face it...the person we are at this very moment is defined by all of those experiences; the good and the bad.  If I had not made all of those mistakes in my younger years, I might still be making them and not be the person I am now.

I've not made amends with everyone for things that happened in the years between 1983 and 1986...not for lack of trying, but for not having a response to my attempts to reach out.  And in some cases, the people involved are no longer with us...but, I believe I have made amends with those folks through prayer and meditation.  The others who are still with us have ignored my letters and emails, so I can only assume they wish to let sleeping dogs lie.  And at this point in my life, so would I.  I have moved on.

The truth of the matter is...I have so many blessings in my life now that may not have materialized if I had done things differently 25 years ago.  I may not have the friends and the family and the love in my life that I have now if I had not learned the incredibly difficult and painful lessons that I have learned.  So, I need to keep that in mind as I go forward and learn to forgive myself for my own transgressions, past or present.  I'm sorry that I hurt the people that I did and I've done what I can to try and make amends...but I'm glad I made the mistakes and learned from them.

If that makes any sense at all.

The last year of my fourth decade...

Tomorrow will usher in my 49th birthday and the beginning of my 50th year on this planet called Earth.

I'm hearing a lot of things from friends and family this weekend.  Some are telling me how great I look to be *gasp* almost 50 years old.  Others are telling me that I'm getting old and should start shopping for Depends.  One person couldn't believe that we have known each other nearly 40 years while a couple friends are telling me how difficult it's going to be emotionally for me to turn "half a century" old next year.

I beg to differ.

It seems that some folks use birthdays almost as a countdown towards death...as if each year means another step closer to the grave.  They are constantly reminded of the mortality of their physical existence and look at it as something that should be dreaded.  Most of the time they are able to keep those thoughts blocked out of their minds, but on birthdays, especially the '0' years, the thoughts rush back to them.

I've never had any emotional distress at the thought of getting older.  I do look at myself in the mirror on occasion and wish I were 50 pounds lighter and in better shape, but I know I can change those aspects of myself.  I've never cared much about how many years I have under my belt...just how much fat resides there.

Besides, it does no good to worry how old you are.  You can control many aspects of getting older by taking care of yourself, exercising, watching your food intake, etc.  But, you cannot control how old you are.  To me, death is a reminder that we should cherish each and every day in this physical existence...to tell those we care about how much we love them.  To patch up old friendships and put aside petty differences.  To look past political, cultural and religious differences to see the things we all have in common as human and spiritual beings.

Unfortunately, at some point we all buy in to the shallow and superficial world of material possessions, unrealistic body image given to us by Hollywood, and the belief that as we get older we no longer have anything of value to offer to this world.  Pop culture treats getting older as a curse...if we're not 19 and built like a Greek Olympian, then we are disposable.  Or if we do exist, it's as a caricature of a human being...a bitter stereotype who hates young people and has an unpleasant smell.  Older people in most television and movies are not revered for their wisdom and experience...they're portrayed as out of touch, ignorant, and stupid.  Only the young people can solve problems and make any positive contribution to society in these "harmless" fantasies created by network executives and marketed to capture the attention of their targeted demographics.  I'm sorry, but I just don't buy into it.

I think we are all valuable in this world.  I look at people who came before me as a window to a different time...such as my grandparents who talked to me about growing up during the depression and living through the rationing of World War II.  The amount of sacrifice that was required during these difficult times was incredible.  But then I look at folks today and people who think that sacrifice is going without Starbucks for a day.

At any rate, I have faith that the universe will unfold as it should.  I believe that when my time on this earth has ended, I'll move on to the next plane and reflect on these experiences.  I hope that at the end of my life, I will be able to say that I have grown spiritually and that I have given love to everyone around me.  I may disagree with folks about certain things or even sometimes sever relationships over irreconcilable differences....but I always try to love and forgive.  Being bitter or holding grudges against folks is not good for the soul...it's like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies from it.

Okay...sorry.  My automated "mindless babbling" alert just popped up!  I'll wrap this up for today.

Blessings and light to you all!

A week of gifts and challenges...

It’s been a week, folks. Work has been its usual circus of deadlines, change requests, and competing priorities—basically a juggling act where someone keeps tossing in flaming bowling pins just for fun. It’s busy in a good way, but nothing kills your momentum like a client casually dropping a change request that blows up your entire timeline. Ah yes… the glamorous life of project work.

On the brighter side, one of my real estate clients had an offer accepted this week. It’s a short sale, so now we’re in that fun “hurry up and wait” phase while the seller’s lender decides whether to bless us with their approval. The listing agent swears it won’t take long. I’m choosing to believe them because optimism is cheaper than therapy.

Speaking of new developments—we added a new family member! Tilly the Turtle joined us on Monday after a glamorous pickup from Petco. She’s settling into the pond nicely. At first she was skittish, darting into the water like we were tax collectors, but now she sunbathes on the rocks every morning like she owns the place. The second we open the back door, though? Splash. Gone. She’s basically the introvert I aspire to be.

I also started a new certification class for my hypnosis credentials. I already have two—one in basic hypnosis and one in past life regression therapy—and now I’m working on smoking cessation. I’ve really enjoyed these classes and have been using self‑hypnosis to make some positive changes in my own life. I’m not sure what I’ll ultimately do with all these certifications, but friends have already started lining up with “issues” they want me to help them with. Apparently, I’m becoming the neighborhood hypnotist.

I’ve also been planning a spiritual retreat to Santa Monica in October. I’ll be gone the weekend of the 16th for three days. I hesitated because of the cost, but James and I have been blessed with extra income from real estate referrals this year. We’re working hard to become completely debt‑free in the next few years—including paying off the mortgage. Thanks to a cash‑out refinance during the housing boom, we’re underwater now, but we can make the payments. After all the layoffs I’ve lived through, we’ve realized we need to live within our means and stop borrowing for anything. So yes, I’ve been working 12–14 hour days lately trying to pay things down and build a safety net big enough to cushion another layoff if it comes.

Spiritually, I’m trying to stay on a healthier path this year. I spent too long letting negativity and cynicism pull me into petty drama. And yes, Prop 8 still ticks me off, but I’m at peace with it for now. I know in my heart it’ll be overturned eventually, and James and I weren’t personally affected. What matters is that we’re together and grateful for how much progress has been made in our lifetime.

So here I am on a Sunday morning, blogging while petting Willow and nursing a slight wine headache. I watched Push last night—Chris Evans and Dakota Fanning. Not great, not terrible. But somehow the entire bottle of wine disappeared. And since James doesn’t drink, I can’t even pretend he helped.

Hope your day is filled with blessings, love, and fewer deadlines than mine