I had a special request last night to write about anger management today. It’s a subject with which I’m well acquainted.
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When I was younger, I had a lot of anger issues and both of my brothers have struggled with similar situations as well. My middle brother is serving a life sentence for murder because he could never learn to handle his rage, so there can be disastrous results if we don’t learn to deal with this powerful emotion constructively. Both of his children are now dealing with rage issues and it’s seriously affecting their ability to hold a job or stay out of legal troubles.
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There were many times as a young man I put my fist inside a wall or nearly drove my car into a ditch or a tree because I could not control the rage inside me. I wanted to totally destroy property or people when my anger was directed toward them. It used to terrify me after the fact and I would break down into tears because of the guilt I felt when the anger would finally pass …guilt from the thoughts I was having during that rage. I could’ve easily hurt someone in that state of mind and came close on a few occasions to seriously injuring myself.
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I started meditating when I was in my early 20’s after a bout of rage where I nearly drove my car into the Chattahoochee River in Cobb County, Georgia. It was a hot, humid summer evening and I was angry over a romantic break up.
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I had met “D” during a concert in Illinois. Two weeks later, I flew from Atlanta to Chicago to spend a week with D and I will be honest: This was 1982 and I had never had a boyfriend before that time. I had been engaged to a couple of girls before this, but this was the first time I had felt a romantic connection to any other person who felt the same in return.
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The week was fantastic and things went along really well for a few months. It was a long distance relationship, but we figured it would work out. We talked a lot on the phone and wrote long, romantic letters to each other. About three months into this, I had purchased a ticket for D to spend a week with me in Atlanta. Three days before he was to arrive at my home, I had a phone call telling me that he had met someone else and was breaking off our relationship. He felt guilty that I was paying for his trip to Atlanta when he knew he was planning to end it within a few weeks anyway.
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I played it cool on the phone simply because I didn’t want him to know how much he had hurt me. The minute I hung up from the conversation, I flew into a rage. I destroyed dishes, a glass top on my coffee table; and I grabbed my keys and took off in my Camaro.
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I honestly don’t know why I didn’t get stopped by the cops. I was speeding at some points up to 100 miles an hour and more. When I got to the river, I aimed for it but changed my mind at the last minute. I spun out of control and the side of my car ended up against a tree. There was considerable damage to the car door ($1100 in those days was a lot of money for a car that was $5000 brand new), but I was fortunately unhurt.
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Once the rage had calmed down, I drove home. I sat crying on my balcony realizing that if I didn’t do something to learn to control these emotional outbursts, I could do something I would seriously regret later.
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So, I took up meditation on the recommendation of a Buddhist friend of mine. A lot of the Christian folks I worked with at the time advised me against it because they believed it was indoctrination into Buddhism, but I didn’t care. Within a few weeks, I could see a huge difference. After year, I was a totally different person. I still have my moments of anger…after all, it’s a human emotion and it’s a natural response to certain stimuli; and I’ve also gone through phases where I didn’t meditate for months or even a year or two at a time. But, once I recognized old patterns returning, I would always go back to it. We can learn to alter our response to the emotion and deal with it in a more constructive manner. Meditation and daily affirmations can make a huge difference.
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If anger is an issue for you, try sitting in a comfortable position, focusing on your breathing, and repeating this affirmation in your mind for a minimum of 15 to 20 minutes a day. It can work wonders.
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I’m living proof.
Blessings and light!!
Ray
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