Finding my passion...

I’m asking myself that these days…where is my passion? I seem to have lost it somewhere and I’m not sure where to look.

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I’m not talking about my love life because I am very happy with my husband. He grounds me and keeps me sane. I love him more and more each day and I know he is the one I should be with. So, don’t confuse the passion of which I speak with romantic or sexual passion.

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I know I am on the right path in many areas of life…job, relationship, friendships, spiritual development etc. But, I seem to be missing it in other areas surrounding my creative side. Theater used to be my creative outlet, but I don’t have the fire for it anymore. I had a great time doing Big Bad Wolf because the time commitment was not too demanding and the cast was amazing, but the thought of doing an evening show makes me wince. I can’t handle that much time for 5 or 6 days a week. Nearly every time I’ve done a show in the last few years, I’ve come down with bronchitis or even pneumonia due to the demanding rehearsals plus work schedules. Maybe I’m just getting too old to handle the stress. I don’t know.

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But, theater is not my only creative outlet. Music is a big one, but I haven’t sung in 2 ½ years. I play and record things at home on occasion, but it’s difficult to find that time very often. My average day is like this:

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  5:15am – Wake up and shower.
  
  
  
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  5:45am – Cook breakfast, make lunch and out the door by 6:10am.
  
  
  
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  6:30am – Start work.
  
  
  
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  4:pm – Usually out of the office no later than 4pm, but then sometimes I show houses 3 or 4 nights per week.
  
  
  
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  6pm – Get home, cook dinner and prepare lunch for next day.
  
  
  
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  7pm – Minimum one hour meditation and prayer.
  
  
  
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  8pm – Spend some time with the dogs.
  
  
  
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  9pm – Wind down and get to bed by 9:30pm.
  
  
  

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The nights I don’t show houses, I am home by 5pm which gives me a little time to relax before cooking dinner. Weekends are also spent showing houses for 3 or 4 hours during the day both Saturday and Sunday. Then try to clean house or do yard work and then squeezing in classes in hypnosis or Reiki…and of course, trying to find time to spend with James. Right now, his nights off are Monday and Tuesday, but that can change from week to week.

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So, you can see that it is difficult to even find time right now for that creative expression and it’s manifesting itself in dreams. I dream of touring as a musician OR singing onstage OR acting in a play almost every night. I even had a wonderful dream a few months ago that I was the officiate at a wedding ceremony that was a musical. I, along with the bride and groom with the wedding party acting as a chorus, sang the entire thing. It was amazing! I made notes when I woke up the next morning and I would like to write this ceremony and film it. It was AWESOME!

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I need to find that balance somewhere…my life was SO out of balance for such a long time. It was all theater and work…no relationship, no home life, no social activities other than with theater folks. Now there is no creative outlet…so, I have to find time to do it. I’ve got some ideas…I’ll post them when I find the time to manifest them!

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No complaints here…just jotting down some ideas today. I am SO VERY BLESSED and this is just a reminder to myself to look for ways to find that balance on a daily basis.

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Blessings and light to each and every one of you!