Thanksgiving already? Oh shit...

Two weeks before Thanksgiving...holy shiz on a shizzle!  I cannot believe how fast this year has gone and my mind is reeling trying to catch up.  I have to say that I'm looking forward to the holidays this year...James and I have created our own family traditions and we love it.  It makes us more of a family that way and we can incorporate things that we bring from our individual families into it and keep some of those traditions alive as well.  I have had trouble with holidays since my grandmother passed, but honestly...after finding my own spiritual practice again over the last couple of years, I realize that she's still with us in spirit.  And I can feel a new peace that wasn't there before over the deaths of friends and family members...yes, I can miss them.  But, I don't have to get mired down because I know I'll see them again.  Simplistic?  Maybe...but, it gets me through the day.

Update on the 50 for 50 campaign...8 pounds to go.  These last 8 pounds are moving really slow...with less than 3 weeks before my birthday, I have to kick this up a notch to make it.  But, honestly...I'm so happy to lose the first 42 that I'll forgive myself if I don't get all the way there.  I still have another 30 on top of that 50 I want to lose...so I'll keep pushing!!

Job is going amazingly well...in training this week for my CBAP (Certified Business Analyst Professional) certification exam.  Intense class but a lot of great information.

I've been going through old photos and posting them on Facebook over the last week.  I'll share a few here with you guys...hope you have a great week!

Ray

Living for the weekend...

Well, it's Friday morning and I'm looking forward to the weekend.  But, I've found after being in the workforce for nearly 30 years now that the week flies by and then the weekend blinks by in an instant.  It seems the older I get, the faster the days pass.  Turning 50 years old this year seriously reminds me of how rapidly time goes by.  I don't feel any older...I mean, yes I have a few more aches and pains than I used to but most of it I blame on my weight.  It's getting better as I am slimming down.

Speaking of which, I am hovering now around the 30 pound mark in my Fifty for Fifty campaign with slightly over two months to go.  I need to put this in high gear to meet my goal of hitting 250 pounds by the end of November.  I've been a little lazy lately, so I am trying to get back in the habit of moving my fat ass on a daily basis.  I hurt my ankle during aerobics a few weeks back and it still wants to swell up on me when I walk alot or try to be more active.  I bought an ankle brace which is helping, but I still haven't returned to my workout routine on a regular basis.  I've been focused mainly on my diet...which is going well, but it is not enough to meet my goal.

For those of you who don't know, James and I have added another set of little feet to pitter patter through our house.  We adopted a new chihuahua, Norbu, about 3 weeks ago.  Norbu is Tibetan for "precious gem."  He is a sweetheart who gets along with our Willow so well.  We are blessed to have him with us and I thank spirit for bringing him to our family.  Here's a picture of him in the Jeep with me on the way home when we first met him.

He was very nervous and skittish when we first got him.  For the first two days he was walking around our house with his tail between his legs because he was so scared.  The paperwork we got from the rescue center had notes from the vet who saw him when he first came to the pound back in January.  He was difficult to examine at that time because he would scream and yelp when people would try to touch him or pick him up.  He also tried to bite people out of fear.  He's definitely come a long way though at times he goes back in to fear mode with us.  But, we just show him as much love as we can and he's making progress each and every day.

Last Sunday, we joined James' sister and mother for his niece's 5th birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese.  It was actually a lot of fun even though I was getting over being sick and James was just getting sick.  We stayed for an hour or so, but it was honestly great to see his side of the family.  We haven't really spent much time with them since last Christmas which is sad since we only live about 6 miles away from them.

I was hoping to audition for a children's show at RSP a couple of weeks ago, but it just wasn't to be in the cards.  I have so much going on right now and am hoping to plan a trip to North Carolina for a couple of weeks in the fall, it just was not a good time.  I don't know if and when I'll be ready to go back to do a show.  I hope that it happens at some point, but I do miss performing.  I have been playing piano a lot more at the house and I'm trying to vocalize on a daily basis, but it's not the same as being in front of an audience.
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I've spent a great deal of time following news stories regarding the Prop 8 trial.  I was ecstatic that it was ruled unconstitutional back in August; but disappointed that the 9th Circuit court allowed a stay of the ruling until they can hear arguments in December.  I'm seriously trying to stay out of the politics of it, but I'm getting so tired of trying to be "tolerant" of people who are against my marriage when the truth of the matter is that even civil unions are not safe for us.  They could easily be overturned with a majority vote just as our right to marriage was.  We are expected to be happy for any crumbs that the majority throw to us...at some point, we have to have a court determine what our rights are under the constitution.  Otherwise, we will be at the mercy of the political winds forever.  

It really sucks that the United States is so far behind the curve on this issue.  I'm beginning to believe that its promise of freedom and equality for all is a bunch of bullshit...pardon my french.  James and I have seriously discussed leaving the country if Prop 8 is upheld by the US Supreme Court.  If this is what being an American is about...having your liberty be at the mercy of right wing nut jobs like Maggie Gallagher...then maybe I don't need to be here any longer.  I'll give my loyalty and tax dollars to a country that does support me.  Democrats (including Obama) have already lost my loyalty because they throw us scraps like hospital visitation rights through executive order which will probably be shot down with the next administration.  Plus, they really don't want to give us anything concrete because if and when we do get full constitutional rights, we'll not be locked into voting Democrat any longer.

Sorry for waxing political...it's been on my mind lately.  I'm following it closely which tends to drive my blood pressure higher...and I get chastised for referring to prop 8 supporters as bigots.  I don't apologize for it any longer.  I'm tired of being defensive about it...I'm going offensive.  And that means I'm going to offend a lot of folks!

Prayers of peace and blessings upon each of you!

Ray

Count down...

June 1st...yes, I am making plans to start my '50 for 50' campaign on that date.  The goal is 50 pounds to drop before my 50th birthday on November 30th.  I will be posting weekly updates as well as occasional video blogs to show before and after photos.  I'm ready for this...I'm tired of being on meds to control blood pressure and sugar levels.  I have a lot of motivation...I just need to keep it going.

I have fallen in serious like with the guys over at Film Riot.  These guys have a hilarious web series focusing on tips for filmmakers on a budget.  They are celebrating their 1-year anniversary and I filmed a 20-second video to help them celebrate.  I'll be submitting it this evening.

On May 1st, a very dear friend of mine was killed in a car accident near Centre, Alabama.  Kenneth Wayne Pittman was an amazingly funny person...and I have many fond memories of our time in Atlanta.  We hadn't spoken in over 10 years, but I was looking forward to finally reuniting on an Atlanta trip later this year.  Guess I'll have to wait a little longer to reunite.  Although he had given it up over the past few years, we all knew Kenny as Kathleen...he was a drag queen on Atlanta's bar scene during the 1980's.  He was always friendly, caring, and amazingly protective of his friends.  As a young man coming out during those years, he took me under his wing and helped me find my place in the gay community...and I will always remember him as Kathleen.  Rest in peace, K.  I will miss you terribly!

Rodney Webster, Kenny (Kathleen) Pittman, and me on New Year's Eve 1986.

Blessings to you all!

Sunday in the valley...

BEAUTIFUL weather in Sacramento this weekend.  I am spending this morning looking out my front window at some purple roses growing in my front yard.  They have bloomed beautifully and smell sweet this morning.  My grandmother loved roses...they make me think of her and of how much I miss her since she crossed over 6 years ago this June.  

Two nights ago, I had a long conversation in my sleep with my great aunt Margie.  She reminded me that it has been 20 years this month since she passed away...and she also reminded me of a poem she wrote when I was in my teens.  I put music to it for her over 30 years ago.  She even sang a bit of it for me...it was titled "Stand Me Still" and I haven't thought of it in years.  I have no idea if I have a copy of it or if a copy of it still exists anywhere other than in my mind.  I need to find it...I don't remember many of the words at all.  She sang two lines of it in my dream and that's all I can recall of it.  I'm going to try to jog my memory using some self-hypnosis sessions over the next few days.

I'm also saying goodbye to a dear friend who is about to pass away from cancer.  It's been a tough road for her and she knows that her time here is coming to an end.  This past week has been hard for those of us who love her...but I'm also overjoyed that I have had the opportunity to know her for so many years.  I feel the same about everyone I've known and lost over the course of my lifetime.  God has blessed me in so many ways; and knowing these people has made me a better person.

So, sitting here with my dog, Willow, cuddled next to me on the couch and listening to the sounds of the world outside today...all the while thinking of how blessed I have been to have so many incredible friends and loved ones.  What more is there to want in life?

Not a sad blog today at all...this blog is a celebration of my blessings.  What do you have to be thankful for?  Counting your blessings is a great way to remember just how much we have to be grateful to God for giving us.

Blessings to you on this beautiful day!!

Funny stuff for Friday afternoon...

I ran across this several years ago online, but just saw it again and had to post it...

Dear Reverend:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine believes this only applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own a Canadian?

Conversely, can I be sold into slavery in Mexico or Canada?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

Eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, but a friend of mine feels that it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan...

Melancholy Sunday

Couch potato Sunday...that's what today is.  I was watching TV for a while...a BBC America broadcast about the Beatles and let's just say that those boys sure got around.

I turned everything off about an hour ago and have been sitting here on the computer for the last 15 minutes or so.  Looked up some YouTube videos and found some funny stuff.  I recently ran across Film Riot...look them up on YouTube.  They have some hysterical skits over there.  But, I was also looking up one of my former employers, Rex Nelon.  Found a lot of videos of their performances over the years.  Great to see some old familiar faces, but nostalgia swiftly turned to melancholy.  Rex passed away about 10 years ago and his daughter, Kelly, has kept the group going.  She's the only one remaining that I know.  They were recently in the area up at a church in Yuba City and I seriously contemplated going, but didn't get the nerve up to go.  A lot of water has passed under that bridge...I also spoke to my mom last night and some old acquaintances are performing at my home church today.  Really makes me miss my touring days and some dear old friends.  It's just different now.

When I left Rex in 1985, I didn't look back.  The truth is...I was fired from Rex's band because he found out that I had been visiting gay bars.  It was an ugly and difficult time for me, but he was very gracious about it.  And it forced me to confront the truth about myself, so it is all good.  God has certainly bless me over the years and I found another outlet to perform in theater for a while.  But, it seems that my life has taken a new turn lately (the past three years) in that I just seem to be focusing on financial issues and trying to plan for my retirement.  James and I are trying to take steps now to secure our financial future...more planning and budgeting...but I am seriously coming down with a case of theater withdrawals.  More than anything, I need some kind of creative outlet.

Speaking of which, the webseries is in progress.  It's been delayed a bit, but I haven't stopped writing episodes or music for it.  So, stay tuned.  The editing is the hard part since I'm playing 4 different roles.

I realize I'm not saying anything specific in this post...I just had the urge to write some stuff down.  My job is going very well...the real estate side gig is a little slow at the moment.  I'm hoping that picks up soon.

My BFF Anne-Marie Trout has adopted a new puppy and as soon as she recovers from being spayed, I am taking Willow over for a play date.

I also decided to try and fix some broken springs on my couch.  It actually worked pretty well, but my hands are all scratched up from the sharp metal where the springs had broken.  I fixed a couple of them, but I need to finish it up.

If you're not a fan, then you won't understand why I'm so unhappy with RuPaul's Drag Race.  My favorite queen, Pandora Boxx, was eliminated two episodes ago.  The remaining three, (Juju, Tyra and Raven) have one more episode to go.  Of those, Juju is my favorite.  Raven would be my second choice.  And Tyra just has much too bitchy a personality.  Pandora was the most talented of all of the queens this year.  She was very funny and seemed to have a lot more to offer than being a lip-synch artist.  Guess RuPaul was going for something else.

Okay...yes, a very boring post today, but it feels good to write again.  Need to find more time for it.  Any way...have a great day!!  Blessings and light to you all!

Ray

April showers bring May allergies...

Or something to that effect...I'm loving the on and off rain we're having this year.  It's making for an incredibly green spring, but we're also having high pollen counts here in the valley.  My allergies are kicking my butt!  But, I think it's worth it this year.

Life has been good, but full of challenges the past month.  First of all, I must share a little Ode to Odie.  On March 11th, James and I had to take our little guy into the vet due to respiratory distress.  There was nothing left we could do, so I stayed and held him while the vet put him down.  It broke my heart and still brings tears to my eyes when I think about it.  It was almost two years to the day after we had to do the same thing to our Lucy.  But, he's been to visit me a couple of times over the last few weeks.  I know it was the right thing and I'm glad he's not suffering any longer.

So, I also know that I'm late updating you guys on our web series.  I've been waiting on my partner in crime, Anne-Marie Trout, to finish up a couple of shows.  Well, she closed last weekend so things are starting up again.  I uploaded a song I may use in the project to YouTube last night.  I'm including the link here...but I wrote the song originally about 8 years ago for a musical I was working on.  It was for a character who was a very strict evangelical father to sing after he had driven his entire family away.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TsZ2L6Xkd7o

Take a gander if you'd like...would love to get some feedback from people on it.  Especially if you know anything about arranging, or mixing/equalization.  I'm making a lot of this stuff up as I go!

Hope you have a blessed day!!

March Madness!

Wow...it's been a big ole pile of hectic, crazy, madness around the Brave-Fisher household the last couple of months.  I don't even know where to start.

I guess the biggest thing is that James' dad, Brad, passed away three weeks ago.  James is very close to his dad and this has been a difficult time for him.  We really appreciate your thoughts and prayers for him and his family.  It's been even more difficult because James is on workmans' comp from his job and hasn't worked in 2 weeks now.  He has a work-related injury to his arm and we're waiting for the doctor to clear him to go back.  So, he's been stuck at home alone with no normal routine to take his mind off things.

I went away on business to Reynosa, Mexico and Dallas, Texas for a week.  My boss and I were traveling together and it was a great trip; but, the timing was bad as it was the week after James' father passed.  It was unusual to have to get a work permit across the Mexican border to attend business meetings there...but I have to admit:  My boss is fun to travel with.  We had some great dinners and shared a lot of beers together.  Fun times!

Great doctor's visit in mid-February.  My blood work came back and my diabetes is well under control.  My A1C was 7.3 which is almost normal...it's down from 11.8 back in October.  My cholesterol was also way down from 254 to 132.  The only bad thing was my blood pressure was up...though, I was feeling pretty crappy that day.  But overall, everything was very positive on that visit.

James gave me a Wii for Christmas and I have been addicted ever since.  I play Wii tennis everyday for at least an hour.  It gets me off the couch and moving which has helped me lose 18 pounds.  I need some new games, so please let me know if you have one to recommend that you think I might enjoy.

I think I have found a new church to attend.  You folks who know me understand how important my spiritual development has become over the past few years.  Though I was raised Christian, my beliefs have evolved over the years dramatically...and I'm hoping this church in Auburn will help me find the path I'm looking for.  I think it has...my weekend in Santa Monica last October has given me a new outlook and I've met quite a few new friends with similar beliefs.

Of course, it seems everyone keeps pushing me to get back to my Christian upbringing.  Sorry, folks...though I respect everyone's beliefs, I just do not believe the Bible is the word of God.  It may have been inspired by God, but it's been basterdized over the years by pious hypocrites seeking to use it to usurp power and control over peoples' lives; and the message has been polluted by political and religious dogma that has nothing to do with God.  I don't believe in hell, but if I did...I'm certain that "Christians" like Jerry Falwell, Maggie Gallagher, and Fred Phelps will be burning in it for the pain and suffering they've caused millions of people.

So, I choose to believe that God loves us all and no one has a copyright on truth.  I don't have to look outside of myself to find God...God lives in my heart.  I don't have to look to a 2,000 year old book to find Him...because it was written by human beings no better or worse than me.  And I can have a connection just as meaningful and powerful as they had with the creator...I don't have to find a preacher or a guru who offers to be the connection to God for me and communicate to me what God's message is for my life.  I need a spiritual teacher who will help me make that connection on my own...totally eliminating the middle man and any translations that have to go through another human filter to get to me.  I know a lot of people will look at this and say it's a very egotistic viewpoint...I disagree.  It's an empowering belief...but still a humbling one to go directly before God and realize just how small I am in comparison; yet also how powerful because I am one of His children and therefore have a spark of the Divine in my heart.

After spending so many years in the Christian faith, I have simply found that most churches and preachers don't really know anything about God...they only know about telling others what to do.  It's all about power and money...and mostly about separation.  Separation from God because human beings are inherently sinful and therefore not even worthy of His love...and separation from others who don't believe the same because those people are evil and will not spend eternity in the kingdom.  None of it makes sense to me...especially that human beings can be condemned to burn for all eternity in hell for the sins of one lifetime by a loving and compassionate God?  No thanks...you can keep that belief.  It does not make sense to me.

I do believe in the divinity of Christ...though, I'm honestly not sure about this "dying for our sins" thing.  I have a hard time understanding why an all-knowing and all-powerful God requires a blood sacrifice for any reason.  In the old testament, He required an animal sacrifice...in the new testament, He required a human sacrifice.  It bugs me...along with a lot of other things I won't go into about the murder of children to free Israel from Egypt and when Joshua fought the battle at Jericho.  Oh...I guess I went into them.

See?  Religion does strange things to people...the worst thing I've found is how judgemental it makes us.  We constantly compare other people's actions and beliefs to our religious canon and make judgement calls on whether those people are worthy of our association or approval as a result.  Some religions even require that people who don't stand up to those comparisons be rejected, excommunicated, or even killed as a result.  That's a loving and compassionate religion for you!

I didn't mean to go on that tangent this morning.  Just something that's been on my mind lately...but it's too serious of a subject for a Friday!

James is heading out of town this weekend and I plan to spend some time with my dear friends, Andrea St. Clair and Jessica Larrick.  I'm cooking lasagna and having them over for drinks and movies on Saturday.

So, I'm sending lots of love and positive energies out to each of you today.  Remember that I love and appreciate each of you...without conditions or judgements.  Be blessed and be good to one another!

Lots of stuff happening...

Well, we're down to Mom and Aunt Sandra's last two days in California.  I'm taking Friday off to spend the day with them before they leave early on Saturday morning.  I have thoroughly enjoyed having them here, but I know they are ready to get back to North Carolina and see everyone there.  My cousin, Jeff, had a baby in December.  He's my Aunt Sandra's youngest child and this is his first baby, so she's dying to go home and get her "Grandma" on.  The baby's name is Camryn and she is gorgeous.

Baby Camryn Born 12/22/09

6 lbs. 14 oz. and 19 inches

Filming begins Saturday for my new web project.  I hope to have it edited and posted to YouTube by February 1st.  Watch this space for more info.  I've been recording music for it over the last week and the MP3's have been turning out fairly well.

Work has been busy the past two days with a huge project that is going live at the end of this month.  My real estate biz is moving right along as well.  Not a lot happening there, but I have changed brokers over the last month.  My new broker is Mark Henry at American Realty and Mortgage Corp in El Dorado Hills.  I'm also now able to off mortgage services as well as act as a realtor.  We offer both commercial and residential real estate services and I've also become a member of the national and local chapters of the Association of Realtors.

My friends, Dinesh and Karen Gonsalkorale, are coming to Sacramento on January 18th and I'm very excited to see them.  I will only get to see them during one evening, but I had hoped to follow them to Las Vegas that weekend.  Unfortunately, I just don't have the time or the money to do so right now.  So, I'll just have to enjoy my time with them while they're in town.

I've been following the federal challenge to prop 8 in the news.  It begins on January 11th and the judge in the case has said he will allow cameras in the courtroom and the video will be uploaded to YouTube.  I will probably be spending a lot of time viewing those files to see how that case is progressing.  It's going to be an interesting few weeks.  I found a great blog that posts up to date information about the case.  Check it out at http://prop8legalcommentary.blogspot.com/search/label/Perry%20et%20al%20v.%20Schwarzenegger%20et%20al. 

Hope your day is blessed!

Ray

Happy New Year!

Yes, it is 2010...how the hell did I live to be this old?  I'll never know!  HA!  So, this is the year we're supposed to make contact according to the Kubrick film.  I just hope it's a year I'll survive as I will turn 50 in November!  CRAP!

On a serious note, I had an incredible holiday this year.  Christmas and New Year's were extra special having my family with me.  It wasn't an overly commercialized year of buying extravagant gifts, but it was one filled a lot of love and laughter.  Just as they all should be.

So, here's my plans for 2010:

• Continue paying down debt and move into a "cash only" existence.  I'm tired of being in debt.  I no longer carry credit cards and will work to pay cash for any purchase that we make.  Part of this endeavor will be to build my real estate business and look for new promotional opportunities in my day job.
• Pray and meditate on a daily basis to continue my spiritual growth.  2009 was an intense year for me in that arena.
• Find a creative outlet to fit into my hectic schedule.  More to come on this in the next couple of weeks.  Filming begins this weekend on my new project.  The music was recorded over the holidays for the first 5 webisodes.
• Re-connect with friends and family.  I need to find more time to be social as I have lost touch with many friends since I gave up theater.  This is also due in part to the fact that many of my friends are constantly in rehearsals, so it's hard to mesh up with their schedule as well.  And honestly, I have accepted invites to parties and the like over the last year, but I tend to flake because I have so much on my plate and things pop up last minute.  So, if you're among those people I have flaked on, forgive me as I will try and be better about that in 2010.
• Finally but most importantly...I need to spend more time with my husband.  One of the reasons I gave up theater was because I wanted to put focus on my career and my relationship.  Now that James is working full time and working mostly nights and weekends, it is hard for us to find quality time. 

These are not necessarily resolutions for the New Year...but more like guidelines that have already been in place for some time.  I am just reminding myself of the path I put myself on and I need to stick to the plan to re-focus those efforts for the next year.

More info is forthcoming on my webseries in the next few weeks.  This is a joint writing effort between me and Anne-Marie Trout.  Hoping it will turn out well!  Stay tuned!

Much love to you all!

Ray